


Intertwining

by Ellstra



Series: Shreds of the world we used to know [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dates, Dinner, Endverse!fic, Hurt Dean, Implied Destiel - Freeform, Lonely Sam, M/M, Sam Says Yes, protective!lucifer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:05:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2244978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam never thought he would say yes. But Lucifer always knows what to say, what to do to make Sam feel wanted and respected; feelings he lacks as Dean doesn't know how to approach his brother. In the universe where Dean didn't get a warning, Sam got too remote for them to make up for it and Lucifer is always there, quietly whispering alluring words into Sam's ear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I am not a stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Just another one-shot that turned a little too multichapter-y. Samifer is a need.

Sam glared across the crappy motel room at the empty bed on the other side and sighed. Dean was somewhere else again, hunting some Croatoans or doing something equally unimportant and basic to which he didn’t feel the need to invite his younger brother. It bothered Sam that Dean always sneaked out in the night, never getting proper sleep to say nothing about taking Sam with him. The younger Winchester tried staying up to catch Dean in the act but he always either fell asleep or was outsmarted by Dean who was able to guess when Sam slept and when he was faking it. Sam wanted to know why his big brother suddenly stopped being his brother at all; but knowing Dean, he would probably just shrug it off with some crappy excuse so Sam didn’t even try to ask.

Sam returned to the book he was trying to read and he was stubbornly pretending to know what the last page was about even though he had no clue at all. He felt like he was going mad but he had nothing to do – Dean had taken away the Impala and Sam had no means of transport and you know, you can’t move around properly in America without a car even when the public buses are not out of order due to a Croatoan epidemic. He knew he would really enjoy the book had the circumstances been different – it was ‘2001: Space Odyssey’, a classic cult story which has become a bible to the science fiction fans. But with Dean wandering wherever the hell he was wandering and the world becoming a mess, he couldn’t give the book quite as much credit as he’d like.

“Enjoying yourself?” a voice sounded from the exact same bed Sam was attempting to set on fire with glaring only couple of seconds ago. He jumped up in astonishment, immediately getting hold of a gun that had been up to this point resting on the table. When he spotted the speaker, he lowered the gun again, knowing it was of no use.

“What do you want?” he snarled instead and stood up to feel at least some sort of security.

“Why are you so rude to me, Sam? I was just trying to start a nice conversation,” the other person protested and to Sam’s astonishment and anger remained seated comfortably on Dean’s bed.

“Nice people usually knock before entering a room,” Sam retorted coldly.

“Well, I’m not ‘people’, am I?” The intruder smirked mysteriously. “I am a fallen archangel, after all. The only one in the whole world.”

“Not interested. Get out,” Sam kept frowning. He felt more and more uneasy and intimidated by the obvious fun the latter was having with making Sam uncomfortable.

“Didn’t you want to know why I came?” Lucifer raised one eyebrow, causing a small wound to open on his forehead. A thin stream of blood rolled down his face and it made Sam so incredibly agitated he wanted to just wipe it away. He forced himself to hold Lucifer’s eyes.

“Well, I changed my mind,” Sam responded and his voice was not even half as steady as he’d want it to be, “but I would really like to know how you were able to track me down. I thought you couldn’t use your only-fallen-archangel magic on me.”

“Oh, I’m flattered you acknowledge how unique I am,” Satan smiled gently, as if he was truly moved, “and you’re very right, I cannot find you using magic to track you down. However, it is not that difficult to follow the piles of bodies your brother leaves behind. And then, it was just tedious hard work to go through every single motel to ask about you.”

“Oh.” Sam only manages to huff as he tries to digest the fact that the Satan was browsing through dozens of motels like a love-struck idiot in the romantic movies Dean not-so-secretly loved.

“That’s how much I value you, Sam,” Lucifer added, stretching his limbs and making himself comfortable on the bed.

“Huh,” Sam mumbled, unsure how to react to that. It was creepy to think that somebody was obviously stalking him. It was absolutely insane considering that someone was the Devil. Sam should have been doing something – anything – to get rid of Lucifer in that moment. But somehow, he couldn’t stop feeling a little flattered and warm that somebody was caring about him so much. Even though that somebody just wanted to use his body to destroy the world.

 _Jeez, I’m really going mad_ , Sam thought and he shook his head. He also tried to imagine what Dean would say if he knew what idea had just crossed Sam’s mind but thinking about his brother didn’t particularly help.

“So I was thinking that maybe you might fancy getting away from this hole,” Lucifer continued in a casual, relaxed voice. Sam’s eyes flashed over to the fallen angel, confusion all over his face.

“Oh come on, don’t look so surprised!” Lucifer exclaimed, “I was locked away for thousands of years, don’t you think I understand what it feels like to be left alone, deserted and betrayed by your own family?”

“Dean didn’t betray me.” Sam retorted immediately. He realised it was a mistake the moment he saw Lucifer’s eyes lighting up as if Sam had just proven his point.

“Of course. That’s why you have to shout it out loud to convince yourself about it,” Satan said calmly. Then he stood up at last and walked closer to Sam who tried hard not to go backwards.

“Well at least he didn’t lock me in hell,” Sam babbled.

“There’s no need for insults, Sam,” Lucifer said tiredly, as if they had had this conversation many times before. “I just wanted to ask you for a dinner. No asking you to be my vessel, I won’t even mention it. Just you and me, enjoying a good meal and chatting.”

For a while Sam was awestruck and completely dumbfounded. He considered making a squeaky ‘what?!’ noise but he decided against it. But internally, this question was resonating in his head very loudly.

“And what would we chat about? Hey, how was your vacation in the pit? Oh, you know, a bit hot.” Sam replied, amazed at how witty his answer seemed to be because he was still too engaged in screaming “WHAT?!”

“We can be sarcastic if you wish,” Lucifer proposed, “whatever pleases you.”

“What profit do you think you will have from having a dinner with me?” Sam asked weakly, that being the only thing crossing his mind apart from ‘ _What the hell am I doing?!’_

“Entertainment,” Lucifer answered quickly, “I have spent millennia alone. Don’t think humans are the only creatures that feel solitude.”

“And out of all the seven billion people on Earth, you chose to spend your time with me. How convenient I happen to be your ideal vessel,” Sam snorted and gave Lucifer a dirty look.

“Actually, there are currently less than seven billion people walking the Earth,” Lucifer shrugged, “and I promised you I won’t bring the vessel question up.”

“Why do you think I would even consider it?” Sam asked in earnest. He really wanted to know the answer for that, because there certainly was no logical explanation for why would Satan be convinced Sam would go anywhere with him.

“Because you’re bored. You’re lonely, left-out and betrayed. Because you hate the fact that your brother chose Castiel over you. Don’t bother denying it. Suddenly, you fear next time Dean might not put you before everything. You’re frightened because in the past, no matter how terrible you felt, you had a certainty in your life – your big brother would go through hell and back to get you. But now? You’re not sure anymore. If it came to an ultimate battle, if he were to save you or Castiel, would he choose you? You don’t know and you keep worrying about it, pretending it doesn’t bother you but it does. And you also question yourself – maybe you did something to make Dean flee. Maybe you’re damaged? Maybe he chose to be with the angel because you cheated on him with Ruby?” Lucifer looked Sam intently in the eyes. “Trust me, Sam. I know what I’m talking about.”

Sam diverted his gaze but the whole world around him seemed to be filled with Lucifer. Sam swallowed audibly, desperately searching for words. There must have been some reply. There must have been a way to say ‘You’re right in every single detail but the answer is still no.’

“I’m not going to force you to do anything you wouldn’t want.” Lucifer kept luring Sam, “and I promised you I won’t lie to you.”

“Then tell me what you really want.” Sam raised his head again, staring at Lucifer.

“You.” Lucifer replied. “In any way I can get. You’re not just a perfect vessel, Sam. You’re perfect in everything. You were created for me; all your ancestors were picked carefully to finally engender you. You have belonged to me since the day you started existing.”

Sam stared, wide-eyed and unable to move or say anything. Despite this speech being the weirdest thing in the history of weirdness, despite Satan being the speaker, despite all the logic, Sam felt his heart beating fast and loud in his chest. Because Lucifer was damn right; Sam was feeling lonely and abandoned. He had left everything for Dean so many times and now Dean had left him. He ran off to an angel out of pure selfishness – it was more difficult to kill an angel. And Dean was broken so many times he chose the easier way because he wouldn’t be able to carry on in any other way. He needed somebody to rely on, somebody he believed would be there every morning, waiting by his side. And Sam understood why Dean no longer saw such a person in Sam. But it was still hurting him.

And then he looked at Lucifer, at the genuine and pure fondness and passion in the face that was falling apart. He imagined how the body is going to shatter and break more and more until there is nothing left to contain Lucifer. What a strange thing it would be – seeing Lucifer in different body. And then, all of a sudden, there was the thought – new and unnerving – what would it feel like to see Lucifer staring at him from the mirror?  

“You can feel that too, don’t you, Sam?” Lucifer went on, seeing Sam’s indecisiveness, “we’re two halves made whole. You are still afraid of merging with me because you haven’t missed me for a long time. You haven’t felt the loneliness, the need for closeness as long as I did. So you feel like you can fill the hole – with love, serving humanity or demon blood maybe. But you’re just getting to understand it, don’t you, Sammy? You can’t ignore the emptiness you feel. And you can’t keep pretending you’re ordinary.”

“I’m not filling anything. I did what I did to stop Lilith – to stop you.” Sam objected weakly.

“And you ran away to go to Stanford because of me. And of course, that violent, passionate vampire sex with Ruby was another way of fighting me, right?” Lucifer smirked a little.

Sam sighed in defeat. He looked into Lucifer’s eyes and saw utter delight and smug happiness. Sam tried not to, but his lips curled into a tiny, mischievous smile he never performed before. They just stood there for a while which seemed like an eternity, but the good eternity, not the boring or awkward one.

“I told you I would never lie to you,” Lucifer said, making another step towards Sam. Winchester didn’t want to recall Dean and Cas standing embarrassingly close to each other, but the mental image appeared in his mind shining and sparkling. “I don’t have to lie. The only thing you need to hear is the truth.”

“How do you know all of this? How could you know the truth?” Sam asked, bewildered, but Lucifer saw he had already won. Sam was accepting him, maybe not to the point of saying the big yes, but quite certainly to the smaller ones. Everything was going according to plan.

“Because I know you, silly,” Lucifer smiled gently, his joy showing all over his face.

“Yeah, I’m a part of you, I forgot,” Sam responded sarcastically and for a while the Morning star doubted he truly got what he wanted.

“You’re not a part of me. You’re my other half,” Lucifer explained, “there’s a difference.”

“Yeah, whatever makes you happy,” Sam shrugged, “I just hope you realise that since you’ve invited me, you’ll have to pay for me.”

“I didn’t expect you to be such a girl, but if you want,” Lucifer smirked again, “shall we go now?”

“Right now?” Sam blurted. He ran his hand through his hair subconsciously, unaware of what he was doing. Lucifer broke into a genuine fit of laughter.

“Don’t worry about your physical appearance. You’re going to my dinner, I’ll make you look fabulous. Besides, we’ve got to set off, it’s quite far away.” Lucifer turned around and headed towards the door but Sam didn’t follow him.

“We don’t have eternity, Sam,” Lucifer pointed out, politely ignoring the other part of the sentence. _But we could have._

“You’re not gonna zap us there?” Sam looked confused.

“Not an angel anymore, remember?” Lucifer gave Sam an apologetic smile.

“But you can do other stuff and you’re really powerful, why can’t you move around? It doesn’t seem to be such a big deal,” Sam thought aloud but he finally walked over to Lucifer. He grabbed the keys from the room and considered leaving Dean a note where he went but he decided against it. What would he write anyway? _Hi Dean, since you didn’t invite me to the party you and your boyfriend have, I’m now kicking for the other team. Lucifer is really sexy._

“It’s not a big deal if your wings aren’t broken,” Lucifer sighed and sadness was so palpable in his voice Sam wanted to cuddle with the Satan, cry and give up everything to simply please the devil. He was frightened by his ideas, but Lucifer’s pain filled him with sorrow.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know-“ Sam stammered. They were walking through the parking lot until Sam spotted a red shiny Ferrari.

“No, you didn’t. But let’s not talk about this, please,” Lucifer asked and Sam was determined never to ask about Lucifer’s wings again. In the meantime, Lucifer opened the Ferrari’s right front door, holding it open for Sam. Winchester didn’t feel weird at all to be treated like that. It seemed absolutely natural – Lucifer was the stronger of them so it was logical that he held door for Sam. When they were seated, Lucifer started the car. Sam caught himself watching the devil’s hands on the steering wheel, wondering how on Earth – or below it – Lucifer knew how to drive given he had been locked in the cage for centuries.

That led Sam to other idea – why was Heaven supposed to be up and Hell down? It didn’t make any sense – ground or soil was the thing that fed humans and kept them alive, provided them with stones and metals, vitamins and life. Whereas sky? What good thing sky gave them? Every once in a while something fell off the sky and caused a disaster. Why did people think what was below them, what they knew, was bad and the unknown was sacred?

“What troubles you, Sam?” Lucifer asked when he noticed Sam’s thoughtful, troubled expression.

“That you watch me instead of the road,” Sam replied hastily, impressed by his quick remark. He heard Lucifer laugh again and for some reason it filled him with pride to be the one to make Lucifer laugh.

“I love when you’re being funny, Sam, but that’s not what you were thinking about.” Lucifer pointed out after he stopped laughing. “But I promise not to look at you while I drive.”

“I was wondering... why is Heaven above Earth when nothing good ever comes from the sky?” Sam explained meekly, as if he was afraid of how Lucifer would react to that question.

“I guess it would be because Hell is always closer to humans than Heaven. To sin, to fall is always easier than to live a rightful life. Especially because a sin sometimes comes from good intentions. You know what I’m talking about.” Lucifer answered so openly and with such honesty it made Sam wonder what exactly got Lucifer to the pit. He didn’t dare to ask though and he couldn’t think of anything else to say. The silence felt very uncomfortable and Sam wished to break it, to say something witty and funny again but he couldn’t stop thinking about Lucifer’s crime.

For the first time he realised he never really asked why Lucifer was the bad guy. What he did, why he did it. Sam never questioned what he was told; he never tried to see the situation from different perspective. He was always happy to be blind, to act as others wanted him to and now it made him hate himself. Why didn’t he cast doubt upon what all the angels said? The only angel Sam could trust at least a little was Castiel and he didn’t believe every word the angel said like Dean did. Every other angel was following their deeds, lied to get to their goal and changed loyalties very easily. Since Sam didn’t trust them in anything else, why did he believe Lucifer gained his punishment?

“I thought you were going to ask me what I did to win my personal suite in Hell.” Lucifer murmured just loud enough for Sam to hear it. Winchester swallowed audibly and ran a hand through his hair.

“I didn’t dare to,” he replied truthfully because he couldn’t think of anything better.

“Sam, Sam, Sam,” Lucifer sighed as if Sam was a child that broke an expensive piece of china, “I hoped I made this clear. We are two friends who go for a dinner. There is no need to be ashamed to ask what you wish to know.”

“Criminal past is not something you discuss on the first date,” Sam retorted, only then realising what he had just said. Lucifer’s grin widened and for a while Sam thought the driver would let go of the steering wheel and squeeze his thigh.

“Right. So tell me, where are you from, how many siblings you have, embarrassing school memories, everything. I want to know everything about you,” Lucifer said enthusiastically.

“You already know all of that,” Sam frowned.

“See? I know everything about you. You know nothing about me. So it’s just fair if you ask me whatever you wish to know.” Lucifer encouraged Sam and allowed himself a quick glance at his human companion.

“You’re not watching the road again,” Sam pointed out and grinned.

“Because you’re so irresistibly attractive,” Lucifer flirted smoothly and he smiled almost gently. Sam’s shocked face was a good enough reward though and Lucifer’s serious and seductive facade broke into another fit of laughter.

“What is Heaven like?” Sam asked shyly after a while. He forced himself not to avert his eyes from Lucifer or at least the dashboard in front of him.

“Right now? I don’t want to even picture it,” Lucifer sighed, “but before? When I was still an angel, it was a true Heaven, exactly the place you imagine. It was my home and I loved it there. I loved the gardens and rivers and lakes, I loved my siblings but above all I loved and respected my Father. He was the one who created everything, all the beauty around me. Before he created Earth and humanity, there were no such things as hunger, fear, murder or pain. Everything was beautiful and simple and I was happy to have that kind of life.”

“But...” Sam implied when Lucifer stopped talking. He glimpsed at the driver and he saw raw emotions in Lucifer’s face. It astonished Sam; for some reason he expected Lucifer to show his feelings as clumsily as Castiel did, not such an open display.

“I have an older brother,” Lucifer said bitterly as if it explained everything. Sam got worried when he realised that to him it did explain everything. “Michael had always tried very hard to get our Father’s attention. He was the good one, the obedient little boy, the loyal soldier but it was never enough. He was nothing but a warrior whereas me... God loved me more, you know. Everybody knew I was his favourite and everybody knew I loved him more than they could even imagine.”

“And Michael provoked a fight?” Sam guessed. He didn’t even know why he said anything but it seemed right.

“No. He is also very smart and clever. He suggested creating human race,” Lucifer replied and smiled bitterly. “Father loved the idea and for a while it seemed enough for Michael. And then Adam and Eva were created, and Cain killed Abel and all the other humans came and God seemed to forget it was all Michael’s idea at first. So what did Michael do? He made humans look much better than they were. He pretended they deserved our love and care, he started spending time amongst them and in the end, Father decided Michael was right. He ordered us – angels, his first real creations – to bow before humanity. To serve them and to love them more than God himself.”

“And they did. And you didn’t,” Sam murmured into the silence when Lucifer obviously waited for another invitation.

“I couldn’t. They were flawed, wrong and so disrespectful. My Father was so generous towards them and asked only a little in return but they always forgot. They always left and ran off to their false godlings and golden cattle. They always prayed when they were desperate but once they got out of trouble, they ceased worshipping God again. And all the time, Father was asking us to help them, to love them. He was completely blindfolded; he could not see what beasts humans were, he refused to hear me say anything and he told us to love humans – his least ideal creations – more than him. And I, for the first time in my life, defied his order. I refused to bow to humans and he suddenly forgot everything about his love for me, my brothers and sisters turned their backs on me and at last, God ordered Michael to cast me down into Hell. Under Earth so that humans would always be above me; deep down into a pit from where I would never get out. And Michael did it without a moment’s hesitation.” Lucifer almost closed his eyes. Sam noticed Satan was gripping the steering wheel very tight, his knuckles were almost white.

“It was so easy for them to forget how I loved them. They all acted as if I hadn’t been the best, most loyal of them. And God... God just let Michael send me away, lock me for centuries and centuries without a blink of an eye. And you know what’s the worst, Sam?” Lucifer turned directly to Winchester who was surprised to find out that Lucifer acknowledged his presence in the car. “The worst is that I’ve never stopped loving him. I tried to and in the pit it was sometimes very easy to be spiteful, but I could never hate my Father.”

“I know what you’re talking about,” Sam said quietly. “When I ran off to Stanford, I felt guilty because I left Dean with Dad. I knew it was selfish of me when Dean had taken care of me for my whole life but I couldn’t go back to that kind of life. I couldn’t let Dad boss me around and yet, as much as I would love to hate him, I couldn’t.”

“Family is tricky thing,” Lucifer nodded, “we’re almost there.”


	2. The love-song of meatballs and chilli chocolate

Sam looked around. He didn’t recognise his surroundings which was nothing out of the ordinary because he wasn’t in this town before and Dean never let him go anywhere. What actually did amaze him was the kind of environment they were in; this was the expensive, luxurious part of the city, not the ones he usually visited.

“You thought I’d take you to a dirty diner with sticky plastic table-cloths? Sam, I told you I wish to show you how important you are to me. I’m not gonna invite you for some take-out Chinese noodles.” Lucifer said when he noticed Sam’s shocked expression.

“I can’t go to a place like this in these clothes,” Sam announced right when Lucifer turned towards a big white building that was gently illuminated by candles. The restaurant seemed to be from a different world; it glistened into the night like a star and it paid no attention to all the suffering of the world because it lived its dream.

“Why? I think you’re beautiful,” Lucifer pretended to be surprised. Sam glanced at himself in the rear-view mirror and gasped for air. Then he looked up to see Lucifer and he froze.

They were both wearing a very formal suit, Sam a white one, Lucifer a dark blue one. There were bowties under their chins, Sam’s was of bloody red colour while Lucifer wore a light shade of orange. Sam also noticed Lucifer got rid of all the wounds on his breaking vessel’s face.

“How did you-“ Sam started but he didn’t finish his sentence.

“I can do a few tricks, they just require energy I’m not usually prepared to give away. I made an exception for you though.” Lucifer gave Sam a frivolous, playful smile. “Shall we go?”

“Ugh, yes. I suppose,” Sam replied, still astonished to see himself in formal wear. On some point in his life, he expected to have a suit as a part of his normal clothing but that changed when Dean destroyed the illusion of normality on Stanford.

“Don’t act so shocked, they’re going to think you haven’t been visiting places like this since you were born.” Lucifer advised and he ran a hand down Sam’s spine. Winchester yelped a little in surprise.

“I haven’t been in a place like this. Ever,” Sam muttered but he didn’t step away from Lucifer. For some reason the proximity felt good and if it felt good, Sam was not going to give it up. Life was hard and gloomy enough.

“I know,” Lucifer almost purred as he led them towards the door, “but I’m sure you can pretend to have been here. For me?”

“It seems like you want me to tell you I’d do everything for you,” Sam replied. Lucifer laughed and it filled Sam with a feeling of warmth and pride again. They reached the entrance of the restaurant and Sam yet again felt like a damsel as he stood behind while Lucifer did all the talking. And Sam didn’t mind at all to be taken care for this time.

Then they were let inside where another waiter led them to a table. They walked for quite a long time and Sam feared if Lucifer didn’t just ask for a trip to the kitchen simply for the sake of Sam’s astonishment. Just when he wanted to ask, there was long corridor with several doors. The waiter retrieved a key from his pocket and opened one of the doors. He bowed his head slightly and showed Sam and Lucifer a small private room with one wall made solely of glass. Sam recalled Lucifer’s advice and tried hard not to look surprised but it wasn’t easy. He couldn’t see most of the view from the window but what he did see promised a great experience. They were sat at the single table in the room which was big enough to look magnificent and elegant but small enough to allow some physical contact. The waiter left, promising to bring the menus, and Sam finally gave a way to his excitement.

“It looked snobbish from the outside but this is a whole new level of weirdness,” he pointed out, “it’s exciting.” He added after he saw that Lucifer’s expression dimmed a little.

“I hoped it would be,” Lucifer smiled and he watched as Sam turned to look out from the window. He could see lights from the city; it wouldn’t look much in daylight, but now it glimmered like fireflies and to Sam, it was absolutely beautiful. There were layers of smog, crime, pain, suffering, hatred and other negative things but darkness was hiding them and everything seemed serene, calm and alluring. Sam wondered if Lucifer made it as wonderful or if the city – until now so unimportant – made the moment amazing.

“I love it here,” Sam breathed out with glistening eyes as he turned to Lucifer again. They smiled at each other, eyes locked in intense staring contest. Sam recalled how he teased Dean about his eye sex with Cas but he didn’t look away.

They were interrupted by the waiter who came back with menus as he promised. Lucifer asked for a wine list and ordered a bottle of water for them. Sam watched Lucifer interact with the waiter, unaware that Lucifer could feel Sam’s eyes on himself.

“You can’t stare at me with such passion when I’m trying to act human,” Lucifer said in a low voice and he leaned closer to Sam, “I could have ordered an asparagus juice if I wasn’t used to resisting you.”

Sam blushed and turned his eyes down to the table. He looked up when he heard Lucifer’s laugh. Their eyes met and Sam could feel his lips rise in an involuntary smile.

“Asparagus juice?” Sam raised an eyebrow in mockery.

“They actually have it here, but I would not advise you to try it,” Lucifer responded.

“Okay. Then what you do advise?” Sam looked into the menu. He was reminded what kind of restaurant he was in when he looked at the names of – as he assumed – meals and didn’t understand a word of it.

“I don’t know,” Lucifer replied, “you think I speak snobbish-restaurant-speak?”

“I thought you spoke every language.” Sam teased. He didn’t really know; Lucifer might only know Enochian himself and take the knowledge of English from his vessel. Maybe Sam actually knows more languages than Lucifer does when he counts his lousy freshman Spanish.

“I do,” Lucifer stopped Sam’s train of thoughts, “but this is more like slang. It’s a combination of words from several languages put together in a way that doesn’t make sense.”

“You took me into a restaurant without any knowledge of what they were going to serve?” Sam laughed, “That’s not a very thoroughly thought date.”

“That’s the thing you love about it,” Lucifer smirked, “you’ve always been expected to do something. Destiny and fate are not hollow words in your case and you hate it.”

“Do you know everything about me?” Sam asked while he tried to calm his heart-rate down. He felt very uneasy about this situation; what was the correct reaction to Satan knowing you better than you do?

“Almost,” Lucifer answered mysteriously. The candle burning on the table illuminated his face, making his eyes change colours.

“What do you not know?” Sam asked with curiosity.

“How can I say what I don’t know?” Lucifer said, watching Sam trying to translate the names of the meals.

“Oh, you’ll think of something,” Sam smirked, “don’t tell me there’s something you can’t do.”

“You know what I don’t understand?” Lucifer said after a few moments of silence. His voice was different, serious which made Sam raise his head and look into Lucifer’s eyes.

“What?” he asked after a long pause in which Lucifer seemed he wouldn’t say a word.

“How you make your hair look so gorgeous,” Lucifer said and laughed. Sam touched his hair in fear Lucifer did something to it and earned another fit of laughter from the latter.

“It’s gorgeous to contain your big ego,” Sam smirked before he realised what he was saying. Lucifer pretended he didn’t hear it so that he wouldn’t spoil the moment. Sam looked down on his menu, faking interest in it without actually seeing the words. The sentence slipped from his lips so easily, so effortlessly as if there was absolutely nothing to talk about. As if this was their last evening in separate bodies. Sam dared to peek at Lucifer who was staring intently at him. Lucifer smiled and Sam blushed.

The awkward silence was interrupted by a waiter who came with their bottle of water and the wine list Lucifer requested. Sam almost let out a sigh of relief as he watched the water flow into a cut glass; at first his, then Lucifer’s. Lucifer on the other hand didn’t wish to frighten Sam even more so he looked at the waiter. Said attendant finished pouring the water, handed Lucifer the list and turned to them to take their orders.

Sam was just about to say he hadn’t decided yet when Lucifer spoke; all Sam could do was stare as his companion smoothly ordered some things – Sam was not sure about the amount either – as if he was doing that for living. The waiter gave Sam a look before nodding and taking his leave again.

“Didn’t you just say you didn’t speak snobbish-restaurant-slang?” Sam muttered right after that. Lucifer gave him a half smile, only raising one corner of his mouth. Sam pictured his own face performing this move unintentionally.

“Actually, I haven’t. I made you think I didn’t, but I never said so,” Lucifer explained, opening the wine list in a process, “I don’t lie often, Sam, and I never lie to you.”

“Okay, whatever,” Sam frowned and took the glass of water into his hand, “what did you order anyway?”

“That’s a surprise,” Lucifer grinned, “you’ll see.”

And soon enough, Sam saw. And tasted, smelled and perceived in general. Lucifer ordered a bottle of French red wine and Sam accidentally saw the price which for a while made the wine a little tart. Eventually, when Lucifer assured him he shouldn’t worry about the price at all – and to be honest, when he had drunk some of the wine – he realised just how better this was compared to take-out and coke.

A little later they were served the first meal of the evening. Sam recognised it as Carpaccio, a meal that consists of thin slices of raw meat. He thought he may have had eaten it once, back in Stanford when he had tried to show off before Jess and pretend he was a noble guy from a great family with table manners. The idea intrigued him – was Lucifer using the same tactics he had once succeeded with himself? Or is he just making a point – he told Sam himself he knew almost everything about him.

When they finished the appetizer, Sam set the cutlery on his plate neatly, pushing it a little away from him. They chatted about everything and nothing and it felt as natural to Sam as his long chats with Dean back then when they still were a family, when Dean still cared about him.

Sometime after that, the waiter came with another course. Sam caught himself thinking about what the dishwasher must look like to be able to wash these. It was a bowl that had more china stuck to the side of it just for fun as Sam assumed. Then it was placed in front of them with muted “bon appetite.” Sam looked into the dish suspiciously, expecting absolutely anything only to be surprised by a very normal-looking broth.

“One of the things with weird names was a soup?” Sam asked in surprise a few moments after the waiter left not to embarrass himself in front of other people than Lucifer. It felt different with Lucifer; he had known Sam before he was even born, there were other things to be ashamed of.

“Yes. You know Sam, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to come into a decent restaurant every once in a while,” Lucifer points out.

“I’d be doing that of course, but I somehow don’t have the time. I don’t know why, maybe it has something to do with the Apocalypse,” Sam sighed melodramatically and tried hard not to grin.

“Alright, you got me,” Lucifer chuckled, “I’ll make pauses in the plans of destroying the world so that you could get some education about snobbish-restaurant-talk.”

“You’ll have to teach me, you know,” Sam bat his eyelashes in a manner that was so flirtatious and seductive he actually got afraid. He looked at the glass of wine in front of him. The liquid was leaving wet stains on the surface inside of the glass, dark purplish marks on the edge of the glass where Sam’s lips had touched it. The wine itself had crimson, scarlet colour and it let almost no light come through it. When Sam thought about it, it looked rather dangerous. But it was so good he decided he didn’t really care.

“Oh, Sam, there are so many things I’d like to teach you, to show you and to make you experience,” Lucifer sighed and they watched each other with strange tension before Sam lowered his sight again. This time he felt guilty; so tremendously guilty because he could see pain in Lucifer’s eyes. He couldn’t say if it was a play or if Lucifer meant it but it made him feel terrible.

“You still can,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. He was sure Lucifer would hear him though and he didn’t dare to say it aloud, not yet.

“Not until you are not sure about it, Sam,” Lucifer surprised Sam, “as long as you have to look away and mumble, you are not ready.”

Sam didn’t comment on that because he was still perplexed by the fact that Lucifer was convincing him not to agree to what he was offered.

“How do you know so much? Not about me, you made that clear. About stupid movies and intellectual books, about snobbish food and take-out.” Sam asked what was nagging at him for a long time.

“I was locked, Sam, not blindfolded,” Lucifer explained, “and gagged, that as well.”

“Must have been lonely,” Sam babbled.

“Yeah, boring mostly,” Lucifer shrugged, “infuriating and painful at first, dull for most of the time, unbearable for the last about thirty years.”

“Why unbearable?” Sam asked carefully. He knew that part was referring to him but he couldn’t understand what Lucifer meant.

“You really have to ask, Sam?” Lucifer tilted his head slightly to the side.

“I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Sam apologised quickly. He realised he was actually sorry; not like when he had to apology to bullies he punched. Only few hours ago, he would have enjoyed teasing Lucifer but not now.

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, recalling it, especially not when I have you so close.” Lucifer assured Sam, “It was agonizing to watch you suffer for all those years, being so close and yet so remote. I could see your father shouting at Dean but I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t come and take you into arms when Dean had to leave you behind somewhere and you cried. I couldn’t be a partner for lab experiments at school when nobody wanted you, I couldn’t stop the monsters from hurting you.”

Sam watched the flame in Lucifer’s eyes and shivers ran down his spine. He realised how much he would have wanted to have somebody by his side back then; it hit him hard to realise that somebody did hear his prayers, that his guardian angel really couldn’t come. Little would it have mattered that Lucifer was a fallen angel, the most infamous one. And then he knew just how much they would have been spared if Lucifer could have stayed by Sam’s side properly. Now, they were separated by stories Sam was told and by Lucifer’s bitterness.

“Why do you insist on ruling the world?” Sam asked in response, _We could have been happy._

“For you, Sammy, of course,” Lucifer replied effortlessly as if the answer was easy like breathing, “I do everything for you. I will create a whole new world for you. A world in which nobody will ever treat you bad. No more monsters, no more bullies, just you and those who truly love you.”

Lucifer stared into Sam’s eyes intently and his expression was warm and loving. He didn’t feel any need to tell Sam that the only person he considered to be truly caring about Sam was himself. He thought Sam wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t see the truth just yet.

Sam felt like he should ask Lucifer to call the apocalypse off but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. A whole world. That’s more than anybody ever received and especially more than Sam had ever had. Was it bad to stay silent? Maybe. But Sam was unable to care when Lucifer promised him a world.

The waiter came again poured them some more wine, noticing the bottle was empty when there was just tiny amount of it in Sam’s glass. Lucifer looked at Sam and ordered a bottle of some other wine. The waiter nodded, collected their plates and left again.

“Here comes the surprise, Sam,” Lucifer grinned. Sam looked around in confusion. “Oh no, not _here_ , but in a while.”

“Did you order a cake with a stripper in it?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“No. But if that’s what you want-“

“No thanks, I’m okay to have you,” Sam said that so smoothly it already didn’t surprise him.

The waiter came back with the bottle Lucifer ordered. They went through the usual ritual when tasting a new bottle and Sam enjoyed the view way too much. Lucifer was focused on something else than him in that moment and it was fascinating.

“You can tell what taste it has?” Sam asked after the waiter left them with the bottle.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Lucifer looked confused.

“Well, Cas said-“

“Of course. I forgot you had a chance to watch an angel very closely.” Lucifer nodded as if he should have thought about it (which he probably should have.)

“Not as closely as Dean but close enough, yeah,” Sam said and rolled his eyes.

“Are you envi

ous?” Lucifer asked inquisitively.

“Because of Dean and Cas?” Sam laughed, “no, certainly not. Cas is like another brother to me. Or my brother’s love. So not at all.”

“And envious that they have each other?” Lucifer knew he was pushing too hard but he was too excited.

“Well I- I don’t know. Yes, sometimes. I think...” Sam frowned as he couldn’t answer properly.

“Alright,” Lucifer said as if to himself, not commenting any further.

The big surprise – it turned out – was a huge plate of spaghetti that as Sam quickly understood wasn’t meant for just one person. There were meatballs sitting proudly on top of an immense heap of pasta, mashed tomatoes splashed all over the pile. Sam stared at the meal in awe and astonishment. He opened his mouth to ask Lucifer what it was supposed to mean but then he closed it again because it was obvious. Lucifer knew everything about Sam; there was no way he could miss out what movies Sam enjoyed or used to enjoy when he was a child. He blushed as he realised that Lucifer did indeed arrange the scene from Lady and the Tramp.

“I don’t know if I should feel embarrassed or flattered,” Sam admitted after several long seconds of Lucifer staring at him with unreadable expression.

“Both, I guess,” Lucifer shrugged and grinned.

“And I assume that they didn’t forget to bring the cutlery,” Sam pointed out.

“No, they didn’t forget.” Lucifer’s smirk was so wide by that time Sam supposed it must have hurt especially given how broken Lucifer’s vessel was.

“Okay.” Sam took a deep breath. “This is not okay.”

Lucifer bent over the plate, hovering just above the pile of spaghetti. He gave Sam a crooked smile before he opened his mouth and bit down into the pasta, catching some of it between his teeth. Lucifer then pulled away, still holding the pasta and even though he had the tomato sauce all around his chin and cheeks, it was one of the most erotic things Sam had ever seen. He gulped, staring wide-eyed as Lucifer parted his teeth and started to coil the spaghetti around his tongue. It took some agonizingly long moments before he finally swallowed the pasta and by the time Sam felt like his brain dissolved into goo and leaked out of his ear.

“The forked tongue... that’s Nick’s or yours?” Sam babbled when he composed himself.

“Oh. That was supposed to be a surprise for later.” Lucifer replied casually. “But I thought it suited me, what do you think?”

“Eh, mhmm,” Sam hummed something inarticulate. Lucifer kept teasing him as he licked his lips seductively before he took another mouthful of the pasta. Sam felt uneasy but he wasn’t going to let Lucifer win; he smirked and leaned in to get a bite of one of the meatballs that sat on top of the spaghetti.

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed a little when he ate the rest of the meatball Sam started. Sam acted as if he wasn’t interested in it and ate an impossibly huge tangle of the spaghetti instead, chewing prominently. He felt rush of adrenaline in his body; he hadn’t done anything silly and purely enjoyable in so long and it felt so good. He could no longer bother with telling himself he should not enjoy Lucifer’s company. It’s not as if he was giving anything to him anyway; he was getting good food for free with great fun on top. He was the one using Lucifer.

Sam had loved the movie a lot when he was a child. He’d thought the romance was very sweet and he’d always cheered when the dogs accidentally kissed at the end when eating the same piece of pasta. Sam remembered the scene quite well and he knew it was sweet and nice while he and Lucifer were just possessively feeding on the huge pile of spaghetti like they hadn’t had food in ages. It seemed fitting and _why was he even comparing himself and Lucifer to Lady and Tramp?_

It didn’t take long until there was just little of the pasta left and Sam raised his eyes to look at Lucifer for the first time since they started eating the main course. They held each other’s gaze and then, suddenly, Sam got hold of the last bits, playing with them just like Lucifer did with the first ones. He watched the devil with amusement, almost daring him to do something.

And so Lucifer did. He leant forward and smashed his lips against Sam’s grabbing the pasta with his teeth. It broke of course, but it didn’t really matter. Sam stared at Lucifer with shock but neither of them pulled away. It was a really strange situation, one Sam would never have guessed would happen to him, and he involuntarily thought about Dean for a while before he shoved the thought back.

“You’re dirty like a kid, Sam,” Lucifer laughed, his mouth still pressed against Sam’s. Sam wanted to object but he noticed Lucifer was indeed clean. He decided for another comeback.

“And you’re getting yourself dirty when stay in this position.”

“True,” Lucifer pulled away and smirked, the tomato sauce that was stuck to his chin seconds ago already gone. He leant against the chair and acted like he was the king of the world which was a title he was currently giving up for Sam.

“You know what? I think you shouldn’t be allowed to watch TV. You take it way too seriously,” Sam pointed out after he wiped the sauce off his face.

“You’ve got dirt on your nose, did you know?” Lucifer grinned and leant forward. He used his thumbs to wipe the tip of Sam’s nose. “Just there.”

“Did you just quote Harry Potter?” Sam asked in bewilderment.

“Did I?” Lucifer looked surprised. “Yes, I probably did.”

“Well, I could show you a different kind of movies,” Sam smirked mischievously. He was no longer feeling strange for acting like this in Lucifer’s company; it felt natural to flirt with him and Sam had so many awesome remarks up his sleeve it would be a sin – sloth, probably – to waste it. If it was because Sam enjoyed their time together or simply because of the wine was a mystery but it was a quite insignificant detail.

“Like you showed Castiel?” Lucifer teased and leant forward. His eyes caught Sam’s and there was a moment of complete and utter understanding between them that wasn’t interrupted by Sam’s intoxication or the fact that they were the devil and his vessel, quite probably too drunk to still be firm in his resolution not to say yes. Lucifer liked watching Sam babble and act daring and seductive but he could not even imagine taking advantage of the situation in any way.

“That was Dean. And the ones I show you will be better,” Sam explained and took another sip of the wine. Lucifer had indeed ordered the alcohol and he could recognize if it was good or if there was something wrong with it but he didn’t enjoy the taste in the slightest. The complex taste was a mixture of various things blended together in a rather unusual way but Lucifer couldn’t say he enjoyed it. He on the contrary to what humans felt could tell apart the ingredients and it wasn’t a pleasurable experience. The outcome of this was inevitable – Sam had drunk much more wine than he probably should have and Lucifer was selfish enough to let him do it. He would not let harm fall upon his precious Sam, but he had made sure Sam would be alright in the morning by ordering an expensive brand. Nevertheless, he wouldn’t be alright in the next few hours and it was a duty of Lucifer to ensure Sam’s safety by watching over the drunk human.  It was not a plan, but Lucifer was quite satisfied.

“I’d love to see anything you wish to show me,” Lucifer smiled gently, changing the mood instantly. Sam giggled a little and reached for Lucifer’s hand, brushing his fingertips over the devil’s palm.  

“You’re cold,” Sam pointed out and he kept running his fingers over Lucifer’s.

“Sorry,” Lucifer apologized.

“No, it’s... nice. Chilly, but refreshing; like a breeze by the sea.” Sam mumbled and he raised Lucifer’s hand off the table a little. He interwove their fingers and watched them with fascination, as if they were the best thing he had ever seen. “Do you feel cold?”

“That depends. I feel a lack of warmth, if that is what you mean.” Lucifer replied but upon seeing Sam’s slightly puzzled expression, he went on. “There’s no feeling comparable with being sent away from Heaven; I didn’t lose my grace, not in the true sense of the word as a fallen angel would. I was cast into Hell for millennia where I had to endure the heat and flames. I do feel cold, but since it’s constant, I don’t notice it too much.”

“Oh,” Sam huffed and he took Lucifer’s fingers between both his hands and held them as if to warm Lucifer up. “Does Nick feel it?”

“Why would you ask that?” Lucifer frowned. “Nick is unaware of the world. He is locked in a safe place but he doesn’t see what I see and feel what I feel. It’s different from demon possession.”

“Would I feel cold? If you were inside of me.” Sam stopped playing with Lucifer’s hand and looked him into the eye intently.

“I- Yes. I think you would be able to sense it radiating from me if we were one,” Lucifer answered truthfully.

“Can’t I warm you up?” Sam asked curiously and he looked genuinely sad about the matter.

“It’s not necessary, Sam,” Lucifer smiled gently, “but I appreciate it, I do.”

“I want you to feel warm,” Sam protested, “you deserve to feel comfortable just like everyone else.”

“I am happy and warm right now,” Lucifer squeezed Sam’s right hand.

A few moments later, there was a knock on the door. Lucifer gave a sign for the waiter to come in. Sam pulled a little on Lucifer’s fingers, as if asking if he was okay to keep their touch. Lucifer took both Sam’s hands into his palms and smiled. Sam looked so happy to just sit there holding the devil’s hands it made Lucifer wonder if he could keep Sam drunk and adorable all the time.

The waiter was soon gone again with the big plate and Sam checked if the door closed before he leant closer to Lucifer. Their faces were so close by that time it wouldn’t be difficult to put a banknote between them and keep it up. Sam could feel Lucifer’s cold breath on his cheeks.

“Will I get a dessert?” Sam asked and licked his lips teasingly.

“Well, did you earn it?” Lucifer whispered in a low, husky voice.

“Of course,” Sam replied eagerly, “why wouldn’t I?”

“You were not good all the time,” Lucifer pointed out, “you were rude to me.”

“I’m sure I made it up to you,” Winchester parted his lips a little and narrowed his eyes.

“Oh, so you’re sure?” Lucifer laughed mockingly.

“Yeah, I think so,” Sam said and bridged the distance between their lips. They merged together immediately, as if they were meant to be. It was not a childish playful kiss like the one they shared when Lucifer pressed his mouth on Sam’s. This one was not sloppy or chaste. It was a kiss that spoke of profound emotions and feelings that run deeper than consciousness. It was a kiss that spoke volumes without a single word. Through that kiss, two souls that were made for each other in the beginning of creation finally met. And after that kiss nothing would be enough to break the bond that now shone brightly like a newborn star. Or maybe a star just before collapse; that seemed to be more fitting. Because what was ignited within them would sooner or later burn the whole world.

“I will consider it,” Lucifer whispered almost breathlessly as their kiss was finally broken. They stared into each other’s eyes as if they’d never seen themselves properly before. Sam leant closer and kissed Lucifer once more to see if the feeling of being mended, unified came from the latter. He could feel Lucifer smiling against his lips as if it confirmed some theory of his. Sam couldn’t care less if he lost some kind of competition he hadn’t been informed of before. He was feeling at home; safe, loved and valued without any restrictions or boundaries.

“How could I even survive without you?” he babbled.

“It’s alright Sammy, you don’t have to say it,” Lucifer placed his index finger on Sam’s lips to silence him. “You’re not on your hundred percent brain capacity right now. You’re gonna enjoy the dessert and then I’ll take you somewhere safe to get some sleep, okay? We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

Sam just nodded and pulled away a little. They remained silent until the waiter reappeared; Sam because he wasn’t sure if he had been given the permission to speak and Lucifer because he enjoyed just watching Sam. Their eyes met many times over the table and Sam’s gaze always immediately shifted away shyly.

Once the dessert was served, Sam waited until they were alone once again before he hovered over the cup full of steaming, dark brown substance. Sniffing and apparently proving his theory, he looked up to Lucifer and smirked.

“Are you trying to get me laid?” he asked and tilted his head to side a little, subconsciously imitating  Castiel with this gesture.

“What gives you the impression?” Lucifer raised his eyebrows as if in surprise, almost making Sam believe him.

“You got me drank and now you ordered hot chocolate with chilli which is considered to have very strong aphrodisiac effects. Now tell me you didn’t know that.” Sam stared at Lucifer intently and he felt much bolder than before when he awkwardly diverted his gaze over and over.

“I did know that,” Lucifer admitted, “but I’m not trying to ‘get you laid’ as you put it.”

“Ah,” Sam mumbled, “then what?”

“I merely thought you’d enjoy it.” Lucifer shrugged.

“So you’re not going to take advantage of me?” Sam took the teaspoon that lay by the cup and stirred the chocolate.

“I would hardly tell you, wouldn’t I?”

“You said you’d never lie to me,” Sam said and his voice trembled. Was everything a lie? Was this person who he thought understood him just another guy to use him?

“I’m glad you remember that, Sam,” Lucifer smiled gently, “and no, I am not going to take advantage of you. You are my other half, not a one-night date I’d run away from in the morning.”

“But you do wish to have sex with me?” Sam raised the spoon to his lips, blew on it to cool the chocolate down and licked it. He pretended he wasn’t watching Lucifer’s reaction but he was too obvious. Lucifer grinned.

“Do you?” He replied.

Sam didn’t answer but his blush was all Lucifer needed. They fell silent again but their games of ‘I’m checking you out so don’t look at me’ on Sam’s behalf and ‘I dare you to look at me when I give you dirty looks’ on Lucifer’s went on. Eventually Sam was done with the chocolate and he tried to wipe all that may have stayed on his mouth or cheeks so that Lucifer would not laugh at him.

He knew he didn’t succeed when Lucifer ran his thumb over Sam’s lower lip. They stared at each other, tension all too palpable between them until Sam reached for another kiss. This one even needier than those before, he parted his lips a little. Lucifer’s tongue circled the line of Sam’s lips before slipping inside Sam’s mouth. It was a new sensation for Sam in many ways. First of all, he had never kissed a guy before, he never even considered it. Subsequently, he was always the dominant one before, not too much but he never let anyone take control. And last but not least, he had never kissed anyone with a forked tongue.

When they pulled away this time, Sam was sure he was feeling dizzier than before it. He looked at Lucifer.

“Let’s get out of here,” he suggested. Lucifer nodded and in that instant, there was the waiter with that small booklet in which people put money.

“Thank you for your visit, have a nice evening,” the waiter said, placed the book on the table and left. Lucifer opened it, snatched some money that was – to Sam’s surprise – in it and rose to his feet. Sam raised an eyebrow.

“I told you not to worry about money. They were very happy to think we gave them a very generous tip.” Lucifer explained. Sam stood up and lurched a little before Lucifer came to his side.

“You made them give us free food _and_ money?”Sam asked.

“Well, I’m a little more advanced in this than Dean, I must admit,” Lucifer laughed, “let’s go somewhere else.”


	3. And if we ever fall apart...

Sam was trying hard not to fall asleep but his eyelids were heavy as stones. He kept blinking and making those funny movements with his head as he was waking over and over from his slumber. Lucifer glanced at him occasionally and smiled softly. They arrived to their destination in silence but it was a pleasant one.

“I don’t want to go anywhere,” Sam whined when they pulled over. Lucifer looked at him with amusement.

“Why?” He asked and caressed Sam’s temple, toying with a strand of his hair. Sam leant into the touch, closed his eyes and sighed contently.

“I want to stay with you,” he responded simply.

“I’m not leaving you here, Sam,” Lucifer laughed.

“No?” Sam yelped in confusion and opened his eyes to see Lucifer’s expression.

“No,” the Light-bringer said reassuringly, “I just want you to get out of this car and follow me. I’m not leaving you here and driving off to never see you again. I promise, Sammy.”

“Okay,” Sam murmured and let Lucifer get out of the car. He himself did almost nothing to move from the spot. Later the door on his side opened and revealed Lucifer with a playful grin upon his lips.

“Are you going to act like a whining princess all the time?” he asked and leant over Sam.

“As long as you’re my Prince Charming,” Sam babbled and grinned widely, obviously satisfied with his witty remark.

“Alright, Sleeping Beauty, come,” Lucifer offered Sam his hand but the latter just smirked cunningly.

“Don’t you have to wake me up first?” Sam smirked and tilted his head back, closing his eyes coquettishly, “see? I’m asleep.”

“And they say I lead people to temptation.” Lucifer sighed and still holding onto the car’s roof, he bent down and pressed his lips on Sam’s. Sam smiled into the kiss and laced his fingers in Lucifer’s hair. When their lips parted Sam looked at Lucifer intently.

“You really won’t leave me here?” he asked, still holding the latter’s face close.

“No. There’s nothing I would want less than part with you right now, Sam,” Lucifer’s bright eyes warmed up with affection. Sam finally seemed to come to believe that Lucifer would indeed take him with himself, wherever he was going.

Sam let Lucifer raise him up to his feet and close the car’s door. Locking the car with the remote, Lucifer wrapped his right arm around Sam’s back, holding him steady and guiding him in the direction he wished to go. Sam wasn’t as drunk as he appeared to be, but for some reason, his slightly intoxicated brain decided it would be best to pretend he could not walk on his own. Why though, Sam could not fully understand because he was acting weak and vulnerable, relying fully on the help of a person he should be avoiding. But then again, he remembered why he had avoided Lucifer for so long; he was told to do so, Dean told him to do it, Cas told him to do it, and so did Bobby and Ellen and Jo and all those people who sooner or later left him and betrayed him. There was always somebody more important for them; Sam was never the first one. Dean’s love for him was immense, yes, and he would give his life to save Sam, but would he sacrifice Castiel over Sam? Not likely; if he were to choose one of them, Sam is sure they would both die before Dean makes his mind. Sam was happy that Dean had found somebody to trust, to love and to protect on his own will and not just because his father told him to do it. What actually bothered him was that Dean couldn’t pay him the same favour; that he wouldn’t let Sam feel the same love, care and adoration he had with Cas. Why should it matter who was the one to provide such love? Sam had so much blood and guilt on his hand he was not worth of someone as innocent and ingenious as Castiel. No, the soul mate for Sam had to be someone broken, someone powerful, somebody who doesn’t follow orders blindly, someone who doubts, who asks, who rebels. Somebody who stands up against their destiny. And this someone is Lucifer and Sam knows it now. Being with Lucifer just feels so natural, so good and it’s not because of the wine he had drunk. Lucifer knows so much about him and loves him all the same, accepting everything there is to Sam’s personality.

“Are you with me, Sam?” Lucifer asked with amusement.

“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I’ve been thinking,” Sam mumbled and for the first time since he got out of the car, he looked around himself. They were standing in front of a huge, luxurious hotel – five star, if Sam’s senses weren’t playing tricks on him – that was quite probably their destination. Sam blinked several times before turning to Lucifer.

“Another snobbish place that’s gonna let us stay for free?” he asked.

“Exactly,” Lucifer nodded and led Sam through the door. They appeared in a big hall with walls covered in what seemed to be white marble and a floor of the same colour. Sam caught himself thinking about how people avoid slipping on it when it’s snowing outside and he giggled.

“What’s the matter?” Lucifer asked. They were already at the other side of the hall, passing two huge and quite probably expensive vases filled with fresh flowers. Lucifer snatched one crimson rose from it without anybody but Sam noticing.

“How do people not slip on the floor when it snows?” Sam said and giggled again. Lucifer shrugged in response and led them towards a lift in a long corridor that was decorated similarly as the hall with some paintings on the walls. Sam didn’t understand what kind of art those pieces represented and he chose to ignore them.

“I guess the hotel gives them some kind of a flying carpet to move around or something,” Lucifer added as they stood in front of the elevator waiting for the car to arrive. Sam laughed again.

The elevator door opened and revealed a very formally dressed elderly couple. The man gave them a disgusted look as he eyed Lucifer’s arm around Sam’s waist. The woman just looked away, pretending she didn’t see them at all. Neither Sam, nor Lucifer stepped aside so that the couple had to pass them by quite close. Once they got out of the car and turned their backs to Sam and Lucifer, they received two tongues, one forked and one completely normal, stuck in their direction. Sam and Lucifer looked at each other and burst out laughing at their perfect sync.

The elevator door started to close so Lucifer waved his free arm to stop it from driving off again. He dragged Sam inside and pressed a button that – as Sam noticed – indicated the highest floor. There was silence between them for a while before Sam turned to Lucifer with a smug grin plastered all over his face.

“Elevators get stuck all the time, don’t they?” he said in a low, husky voice, “Sometimes for whole hours.”

“They do,” Lucifer admitted, seeing what Sam was implying immediately, “but not today.”

“Why?” Sam asked, his shoulders drooped a little.

“It’s too soon. I’m not that shallow, Sam, and it hurts me that you think so about me.” Lucifer explained, looking away a little.

“You’re supposed to be the impersonation of sin,” Sam muttered. The elevator came to a halt and the door opened. “not a preacher.”

“I am not a preacher, Sam,” Lucifer explained and pulled at his companion to move from the lift cage. “Others can do whatever they want and it would be fine with me. But I will not use you.”

“You said you wanted me,” Sam objected.

“And I do,” Lucifer assured him, “but the waiting makes it better.”

“Didn’t you wait enough?” Sam muttered. They stopped in front of a room on the very end of the corridor. Sam assumed this must be the most expensive room in the hotel according to its location.

“I’ve waited for you for so long; I can last a little longer.” Lucifer opened the expensive-looking door. Sam peered inside.

“It doesn’t look like you don’t want to screw me, judging by the decoration,” he pointed out smugly.

“I don’t want to screw you, Sam. Why do you have to call it that way? It sounds as if I was pushing you into something, as if it didn’t require us both.” Lucifer furrowed his brow a little, letting go of Sam only to take the latter’s hand into his.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to... It’s Dean’s expression.” Sam murmured, looking down.

“Is it really what I mean to you? Somebody to ‘screw’?” Lucifer whispered and there was pain in his voice. Sam didn’t dare to raise his head in fear of seeing the same emotion in Lucifer’s eyes.

“No. But there’s something about you... Something that makes me...” Sam’s voice faded into nothingness as he had no idea what to say. “I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”

Sam let go of Lucifer’s hand and retreated into an adjacent room that – as he assumed – was a bathroom. He sat down on the floor and leant his back against the huge, luxurious bathtub. He looked around himself and it made him feel even worse. Lucifer had chosen all what was around him very carefully, Sam was sure of that, and he spoiled everything. When he looked back at his behaviour, he wanted to bang his head against the wall. He had made a complete idiot of himself.

Sam buried his head in his hands. He had after all been drunk more than he thought. He could not understand why he would act like he just had; like some cheap, stupid, horny douche. What he did get now though was why nobody ever loved him fully, why everybody kept their distance as if he was repulsive. He is a poison. A venomous snake that bites everybody in his reach.

Lucifer tried to think of a way to approach Sam. He knew very well what the latter was doing and he didn’t like the fact at all; he didn’t want Sam to hate himself or think that Lucifer was annoyed or mad at him. Knowing Sam as he did though, he knew it wouldn’t be easy to break through the shell of self hatred that coated Sam like a cocoon. He considered just waiting for Sam to calm down and walk out of the bathroom – he would have to do it after all – but he assumed it would take a lot of time. Sam could be really stubborn. Lucifer toyed with the rose he had torn off the bouquet in the hall as thoughts rushed through his mind. He inhaled the aroma of the blossom and let himself dwell in the silky feeling of the petals between his fingers.

The idea he got was silly and cheesy but it was not unaccomplishable. He snatched a pen from a huge table situated in the room and a scratch pad lying close by and scribbled down a note in a chaste and a little shaky script. He had never written anything in any human font hence the insecurity. He impaled the paper on one of the rose’s thorns and looked it over again before he was satisfied with the outcome. Once he completed settling his message, he concentrated on sending it to Sam.

Sam was just considering how big of an impact his body would suffer if he decided to get out of the room using the window when the rose materialised in his lap. He looked at it with astonishment for a moment before he recalled where he had seen it originally. He untangled the note from the flower carefully.

_Sam,_

_Stop being a whiny girl and come out. It would need a lot more to discourage me._

Sam realised the corners of his lips twitched upwards as he read the short note. He noted that Lucifer chose exactly the words he had needed; not some assurance that would sound insincere, but playful, sarcastic and truthful words to remind Sam that it was really not such a big deal.

Sam rose to his feet. He checked himself in the mirror and realised he was still wearing the suit. He shrugged and noted to himself to ask Lucifer for some normal clothes. Clutching the flower in his hands anxiously, he lingered on spot for some time, the other hand on the doorknob.

When he finally stepped into the main room, Lucifer was facing the window, breathing on the glass and painting something into the frost that created on it. Sam didn’t know if he should make some noise to let Lucifer know he was in the room or run away when he had time. Before he could draw the conclusion that he had no idea where he was and no means to get away, Lucifer turned around with a smile on his lips.

“With the rose, you’re perfect, Sam,” he says gently and gestures for the latter to join him by the window. It’s a huge one, reaching from the ceiling almost to the ground and stretching on almost half of the wall. Sam walks towards Lucifer a little tense and insecure.

“Look at the city, Sam,” Lucifer says, placing one of his hands on the glass, “isn’t it amazing how destructive humans are?”

“Destructive?” Sam inquired, astonished.

“There used to be meadows here, wild animals grazing, all God’s creations..” Lucifer took Sam’s palm and pressed it against the cool panel of glass. “And then humans destroyed it. Isn’t it marvellous? Glass, concrete, asphalt. What a beautiful weapons, don’t you think?”

“Eh,” Sam mumbled only, puzzled. _Maybe he’s gone mad. Maybe I broke him. Oh my god, did I drive the devil mad?!_

“Are you tired?” Lucifer turned to Sam. Sam thought about it for some time before answering.

“Half,” he said at last. He went on when he saw Lucifer’s raised eyebrow. “As in, too tired to go anywhere and not tired enough to go to sleep.”

“You mean you’re too lazy to go out and act normal among people,” Lucifer smirked.

“Whatever you wish to call it,” Sam shrugged.

“That’s okay. Wanna do something extraordinary and worth my time, or normal and boring?” Lucifer inquired and reached towards Sam to brush off some non-existent stain from Sam’s suit. Sam let him do it for a while before he caught Lucifer’s hand between his own.

“First of all, get me some normal clothes,” he asked. The rose was stuck in between their fingers, interwoven in the mess of hot flesh.

“Why? I like you the best like this. It brings out your beauty,” Lucifer objected and freed his palm from Sam. He held the rose in front of Sam’s eyes. “like this rose. It was created to fit you. It’s dark and sinful, ardent and violent and yet gentle and fragile. The suit symbolises the opposite, being the best thing to accompany you and this flower.”

“Er, thanks for the compliment, I guess,” Sam muttered, a little baffled by Lucifer’s passionate speech, “but I’m sure there’s something less suitable but more comfortable for me and the rose that is suddenly more of a person than I ever expected a flower to be.”

“Don’t think a living object is less complex than you just because you don’t speak its language,” Lucifer objected, “why do you humans insist on comfort so much? That’s what destroyed this precious little planet of yours, you know? The need to put comfort before beauty.”

“So you’re saying I’m only beautiful in the suit?” Sam said it in a light voice but the words hurt him more than he wanted to show. He had thought Lucifer loved him unreservedly and over the last few hours, he got used to – hell, addicted to – the feeling of being cherished by someone so ancient, powerful and proud as Lucifer.

“Of course not, silly,” Lucifer replied in astonishment, “you are beautiful, always have been and always will be. But the suit does not spoil it or hide it. The suit emphasizes the natural charm of yours. Anything else diminishes you, blunts your grace, makes you closer to normality.”

“Wow, that was something of a point,” Sam breathed out, “and can my awesomeness suffer a little in order for me to drag you into a bed, curl up in your arms and cuddle with you while we watch some stupid movie?”

“There’s one thing you haven’t considered, Sammy,” Lucifer pointed out and his facial expression converted into a smug, self-satisfied smirk, “there’s no need to wear clothes if you’re staying here. I said the suit was the only piece of clothing to not spoil you. I said nothing about it being the only thing that looks good on you.”

Sam blushed and he stared at Lucifer for some time before his thoughts formed into an intelligible sentence.

“You said you didn’t want to have sex and now you’re telling me to lie in a bed with you naked?” he muttered.

“There’s a big difference between those two,” Lucifer explained matter-of-factly. He touched Sam’s cheek with the rose, caressing the soft skin on Sam’s jawbone and neck. The shirt Sam wore was buttoned up so there was not too much of flesh revealed, but it was enough for Sam’s body to respond.

“There is,” Sam murmured as his eyes fell shut to let his senses focus entirely on Lucifer’s caresses. He threw his head aback to grant the latter more access. “And then there isn’t. Like right now. I don’t know what to make of your behaviour. You say you don’t wish to seduce me and yet you do something this erotic and sensual.”

“There’s a giant step between admiring and worshipping your body and sex. I wish humans saw it.” Lucifer sighed and removed the flower from Sam’s skin. That earned him a frustrated, angry groan which he found both amusing and arousing.

“Well, that’s how a strong-willed angel sees it. But mere humans, and that, believe it or not, includes me, are not able to see how what you’ve just been doing can be seen as something that would not eventually lead to sex. Or at least some variation of it.” Sam opened his eyes and gave Lucifer an annoyed look.

“There is a lot of tension a man can endure without release,” Lucifer proclaimed wisely.

“But the release has to come,” Sam pointed out, “and people are usually too weak to hold something within them.”

“But doesn’t it feel better if the deliberation comes after longer time of hardship than immediately, before the real craving begins?” Lucifer asked, curiosity visible in his eyes. Sam stared back with a blank expression showing lack of ability to keep a conversation like this.

“I think we just... break before we can get to this better part.” Sam replied bitterly, sarcastically even. “We’re just too flawed as you always thought we were.”

Sam pulled away from Lucifer. He made a step back, only a little one but it felt like a mountain appeared between them. They watched each other in astonishment but neither did anything to close the gap again.

“Why do you say that?” Lucifer managed to inquire at last.

“That’s what you’ve said, you know. Or implied. I cannot control what I feel and I certainly cannot control my body. If you can, you’re a superior being which means I am the inferior one. I’ve just pronounced the truth.” Sam answered. He took a deep breath before adding his last words: “Also, if I can’t be with you, I’ll probably have to be far away from you.”

“If that’s what you want, Sam, you should go,” Lucifer said. He managed to rid his voice of all emotions so that it sounded so flat and hollow it hurt Sam physically. There was no thrill of being with Sam, no repulsion at being among humans, no passion, no hatred. Just painful, deafening nothing.

“Do you want me to go?” Sam asked and after a short hesitation he stepped towards Lucifer again.

“Of course I don’t,” Lucifer spat, “you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, my dream come true, just the idea that one day you will exist kept me alive for centuries. But if you wish to leave, I will not force you to stay, for the same reasons.”

“I should probably get going then,” Sam muttered. “I cannot pretend to be something I am not. I’m sorry to leave you and don’t think it’s because I didn’t enjoy your presence. It was wonderful, and if you ever decide to stop putting insurmountable obstacles between us, I’d be glad to see you again.”

“I’ll miss you Sam,” Lucifer whispered and the conversation ended there for him. He turned around towards the window again and he walked off. Sam watched his back and for a while, he considered staying. But he knew he had closed the door – at least for that night – and if he didn’t want Lucifer to stop thinking highly of him, he had to take his leave.

Sam gave Lucifer’s rigid, motionless back one last sad glance before he walked down the small ante-room and opened the door. He shut it very gently behind him; he hoped it would tell Lucifer he wasn’t mad and never wished to see him again. In fact, he wanted to turn around and cuddle to Lucifer’s side, plant a kiss on the back of his head and reassure him that he would never leave again. But they had to set boundaries in their relationship – whatever it was like – and Sam had to stand up to his demands. If they were not about sex – fine, but Sam knew he would be exhausted from restraining himself if Lucifer kept teasing him like this.

He decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator for it would remind him of his embarrassing behaviour earlier. There was a lot of stairs but he didn’t mind walking. He sped up and after two or three minutes he was standing in the hall of the hotel, staring at the intimidating white marble and the ardent and gentle roses. Sam suddenly realised that he had no idea what to do. He had no idea where he was so walking back to the motel was out of question. Then he considered “borrowing” some car – getting as desperate as that – but he doubted there would be a car without all sorts of the best examples of modern art in car protection. So he began searching through his pockets in hope he would find a credit card or at least some money. He realised he had his wallet with him when he left with Lucifer. He just hoped it didn’t get lost while his clothes were converted into the suit that caused so much distress.

He finally found it, in a pocket on the inner side of the jacket. He had never known there were pockets in there, but he realised this suit was quite probably from a different price range than those he usually bought. He opened the wallet and looked inside. It revealed more than he hoped for – a fake ID, fake credit card and some banknotes (hopefully not fake.) Sam counted the money and realised it would probably be enough to pay for a taxi to the motel. His sources were known and all he had to do was decide what to do with them.

He could use the credit card and stay in the hotel over the night. That would cost unnecessarily big amount of money and he’d have to leave in the morning anyway. When he told Lucifer he’d leave, he’d meant for longer than just a night. The alluring about staying in the hotel was the time it would earn him; he’d delay the need to decide what to do next for a few hours and that was certainly worth the try. He also knew – not from experience though – that in a hotel like this, there would be a loaded up mini-bar full of alcohol. That did indeed sound promising and Sam almost walked off towards the reception counter where a young blonde girl seemed to be waiting just for him to show up.

What would he do next though? He couldn’t go to Lucifer again and he knew he would be burning with need to do so as he already missed his angel. Maybe if he was far away, the desire would be duller. Or at least he hoped so. The alcohol he had thought of before would help but also make him feel terrible in the morning and he’d probably run to Lucifer to help him anyway.

No, the answer was not to stay in the hotel, despite it being the easiest option in that moment. Once he drew this conclusion, Sam crossed the hall swiftly as if something was chasing him. He walked through the door without looking back and he didn’t realise he had been holding breath before he was outside and inhaled sharply. The air was cool which would be great had it not reminded Sam of Lucifer. To be honest, if it was warm, hot or freezing, it would remind him of the angel just as well anyway.

Since he eliminated the option of staying there, he had to think of somewhere else to go. The obvious answer – the motel where he was staying with Dean – had its pros and cons. It was the easiest thing to do; his things were there, his brother expected him to be there, and if he got there in time, Dean would not have to find out about his eccentric date with the Devil. On the other hand though, Dean would be there. Sam had never wanted to see his brother less than in that exact moment. He still had mixed feelings about Dean leaving him out of the important hunts – or seemingly important as Lucifer was obviously chasing Dean rather than the other way around – and he did not wish to go back to doing nothing and pretending he was okay with Dean vanishing to go somewhere with Cas because he trusted the angel to take care of himself better than Sam would. Sam had felt redundant enough but now it would be excruciating. He’d want to go back to Lucifer just to feel important again.

He could hitch-hike even. He hasn’t done it since he’d met Meg on the side of the road (no, he was not superstitious) and he didn’t feel like breaking that habit. Of course, he could just disappear into thin air and nobody would find out where he was and what he was doing. He had all his necessary belongings with him anyway; now when Dean was a big brother again and knew everything better than Sam, he had also confiscated Ruby’s knife. Sam was furious when he found out – it was _his_ knife! Dean kept rubbing his nose in Sam’s lapse, even when he didn’t say anything it was obvious in his eyes. He blamed Sam for letting Lucifer out of the cage because it was clear as water – Sam didn’t trust Dean, didn’t follow him and look where it lead them. _Not all of it is bad_ , Sam thought as he recalled the feeling of Lucifer’s lips against his own. _He didn’t deserve to be imprisoned for so long, whatever his crime was_. There was no death waiting for Lucifer to free him from his jail, it was a life sentence in every meaning of the word.

 _Sympathy for the Devil, Sammy?_ Dean’s voice sounded in Sam’s head immediately. Sam chased it off. No, he was not staying with Dean, not given these circumstances. On the other hand, he didn’t wish to just disappear and send his brother a text, mostly because he feared Dean would think he was not alright (despite what he would write in the text. Dean was just like that.) He would have to tell Dean face to face that he was taking a break.

Once he made his mind, he looked around himself. He was in the middle of nowhere, or so it seemed but fortunately there was a taxi standing not so far away from him. Sam walked hesitantly towards the car; he’d never really fancied going anywhere in a taxi, mostly because other cars but the Impala made him anxious. _Stupid OCD_ , he thought. Sometimes he just didn’t feel good in unfamiliar surroundings what was funny considering his lifestyle. But the Impala was the only car he considered his own and the others were alien and distressing. He braced himself when he reached the taxi. He opened the passenger’s door.

“Good evening, can you take me to the motel ‘Sly Fox’? It shouldn’t be too far...” He asked as the driver didn’t send him away immediately.

“Sure thing,” the driver nodded and Sam stepped into the car and shut the door behind himself. He buckled the seat belt (Dean would laugh) and stared onto the road through the windscreen. For some time the journey went smoothly, without a word and Sam was happy for that. He started recognizing his surroundings when the driver spoke.

“Got a date to pick up there?” he asked and glanced over at Sam.

“No,” Sam frowned.

“I don’t charge much for waiting. And I can be discreet.” The driver kept talking.

“Then be discreet and concentrate on driving.” Sam snapped a little more harshly than he expected but he wasn’t going to apologise. The driver fell silent and soon they arrived to their destination. Once the car pulled over, Sam paid as quickly as possible and literally jumped out of the car. He found the keys from his and Dean’s room in the same pocket in which he had discovered the wallet before. He put the key into the hole to open it but found it already unlocked.

 _So what, he’ll know. No big deal._ Sam tried to calm himself down but he didn’t believe it at all. Of course it was a big deal if Dean saw him in the clothes he was wearing. What would he say? Not the truth of course, that would be a suicide in the better case and house arrest in the worse. And Dean was there, waiting for Sam to show up. He’d be furious, Sam knew that, and he would not let Sam leave after that. But Sam felt he owed his brother some words of farewell. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

First of all, he noticed a blade pointed at him. Then he was splashed with some cold liquid which must have been holy water. When he cried in shock, the attacker – presumably Dean – stopped and looked at Sam.

“Where the hell have you been?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have written two pages of fluff/smut (depends on where you see the border between these two) but I didn't like the idea (I shouldn't have been writing while listening to romantic songs. oh, stupid me.) so I changed it. In my opinion, Lucifer would not understand why Sam doesn't want to be intimate with him in a romantic, cuddly way while naked, but he's not opposed to sex. I think Lucifer just doesn't want Sam to think he only wants sex in their relationship, but he doesn't see why they shouldn't be kissing, cuddling etc naked because to Lucifer, the concept of not being naked is alien.   
> I hope it makes sense. And of course, comments would be highly appreciated. :)   
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Lost and found

Sam gasped and shook his head to get rid of the holy water in his eyes and hair. He blinked several times and gazed at Dean and his mind was trying to pick a few of the thousands of words swirling through his mind.

“And what the hell is this crap?” Dean exclaimed and pointed on Sam’s – now wet – suit.

“Can’t I go on a date for once?” Sam decided that attack is the best defence and he put on a smug expression as if he wore white suits for living.

“Maybe you could tell somebody – like me – that you were getting lost for several hours looking like an expensive boy-slut.” Dean retorted and turned his back on Sam. He couldn’t see his younger brother’s hurt expression. He couldn’t see that Sam ran his hands down the suit and tried to assure himself that Lucifer didn’t see him as his sex toy. Dean didn’t see or care when Sam’s face hardened again with determination.

“Cas, he’s back, can you please come here?” Dean called as he eyed the ceiling above his head. For some reason, whenever he prayed to Cas he looked up as if the angel was still in Heaven. A whizz of wings attracted Sam’s attention and said angel appeared in the room, a little too close to Dean. “Cas, personal space?”

“I apologise, Dean,” Castiel murmured but he didn’t step back, “it is easier for me to land close to you.”

“Another time,” Dean muttered. Sam stared and if he wasn’t frightened what his brother was going to do to him, he’d burst out laughing.

“Oh,” Castiel finally moved away from Dean. “I assumed the crisis is over since he’s back.”

“But we don’t know if what’s standing here is really Sam, do we? I need you to prove he’s not infected. And then I need you to stop me if it seems I’m going to kill him.” Dean had a strict, fierce expression upon his face that didn’t soften even under Castiel’s puppy eyes. Or maybe just a little.

Cas nodded and came close to Sam. Both Winchesters flinched but Sam let Cas examine him and Dean looked away. When the angel touched Sam’s forehead, the latter hoped angels couldn’t read minds. He was not going to let anyone know how bad he felt for having parted with Lucifer. After some time, Cas smiled a little and turned to Dean.

“He’s intoxicated and he smells of someone else but he’s completely himself.” Cas announced and Dean gave his brother one last suspicious look before he came to the conclusion that Cas was telling the truth.

“Anything to say?” Dean stepped a little closer towards Sam threateningly. Cas took his role of peacekeeper very seriously and he held his hand right above Dean’s shoulder to stop him if necessary.

“I do, actually,” Sam spat, “I came to tell you I’m leaving. Taking some time off. And I didn’t want to go without a goodbye. Bad idea.”

“So you’re leaving!” Dean exclaimed and laughed without a single trace of joy, “that’s marvellous. It’s the fucking apocalypse – _let’s go on vacation!_ What a brilliant idea, Sam, really why haven’t I thought about it sooner?! Oh I know, maybe because it’s a stupid ass of idea.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to leave if I wasn’t the third wheel for a few weeks. Isn’t it great to have some idiot who’d tell you where to find a new nest? Yes, and let’s never tell him we’re leaving so that he doesn’t spoil the fun! Isn’t it romantic to go kill some monsters? Better than a trip to Paris!” Sam screamed. He and Dean came even closer to each other and they could almost feel each other’s breaths.

“This is not about me and Cas, this is about you! You just vanish into thin air, you don’t leave a note, don’t pick up your bloody phone, nothing! What were you thinking?!” Dean shouted. He could feel Castiel’s comforting presence behind him and he wished the sweet innocent angel didn’t have to see this.

“Maybe I wasn’t thinking at all!” Sam gestured wildly and he almost hit Cas in the process. “Maybe I just wanted to feel like somebody actually gives a crap about me! Maybe I just didn’t want to rot in motel rooms any longer!”

“Are you trying to say that I don’t care about you?!” Dean shrieked in exasperation. “That’s what you call raising someone, going to Hell for them-“

“No! That’s what I call when you sneak out in the night to actually do something and you leave me behind as if I was a little kid.” Sam shook his head in disdain.

“I was trying to protect you, you ungrateful-“

“Dean.” It was a single word, a mere name, and yet it stopped Dean from punching his brother.

“I know. And that’s what I’m trying to avoid. Being protected. I’m not a kid anymore, I can take care of myself.” Sam replied in a calm voice. He bypassed Dean and Castiel and went farther into the room. He picked up his laptop, the _2001: Space Odyssey_ he’d been reading and his duffel bag. “I’ve caused this mess, don’t you know? I have to try to do something to make it up.”

“It’s not your fault,” Dean objected. He looked rather desperate and he was aware of it. “You didn’t know.”

“Yeah, right, because nobody warned me I shouldn’t trust Ruby, right? Nobody tried to stop me.” Sam gave Dean a smirk. “I’m such an innocent baby who only caused a little mess. Nothing a protecting big brother and detention couldn’t fix.”

“You meant good...” Dean’s voice broke as he looked pleadingly at his brother, begging him to stay. All his anger had dissipated and he revealed what he truly felt – fear. He didn’t wish to part from his brother, if only to stop him from making things even worse.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he said as he opened the door again, “call me if you want. I promise I will answer. I just need a break.”

“Fine. Go. Don’t mind me! I’ll be sitting here and waiting for you patiently,” Dean spat and turned his back on Sam. He tried hard to keep a straight face as Castiel rushed to his side and examined his expression. Sam didn’t think it was necessary to say anything else so he just left quietly.

...

“Cas, what have I done?” Dean asked as he sat down on a bed and laid his head into his hands. The angel hovered above him awkwardly, unsure whether he should sit down and hug the human or just stay silent. They remained like that for some time before Dean looked up. “You still here? I thought you left.”

“My place is by your side, Dean,” Castiel explained as if it was the most casual and obvious thing on Earth. Dean stared at him with eyes wide opened.

“What if something happens to him?” he asked and lowered his eyes, “I was supposed to protect him and yet I always push him away when he becomes annoying. But that’s what little brothers are for – they’re annoying and make you hate them but always have to take care of them, you must never let them out of your sight because in the moment when you’re mad at them, something happens to them and you blame yourself forever-“

“Dean, Sam can hardly be described as ‘little’. He can take care of himself, he is a great hunter.” Cas bent down to level his face with Dean’s. He forced the human to look at him. “And there are others who would help him. He’s not alone.”

“I know. I just... I feel something bad is going to happen if I don’t look after him. And I feel so useless.” Dean sighed. Castiel tilted his head to the side for a while as if he was deep in thoughts. Then, to their mutual surprise, the angel kissed the hunter on the cheek. It was quick and butterfly-like but Dean could still feel the touch of Castiel’s lips on his skin.

“I apologise. I thought it might console you,” Castiel mumbled and he rose up to his feet and with a swish of wings he was gone.

“It worked,” Dean said after several minutes of shock.

...

Sam stood in the parking lot, brisk air cooling his face, and he had no idea what exactly he was doing. He knew he didn’t want to be with Dean and couldn’t be with Lucifer but his plan ended there. Should he keep hunting? It didn’t feel right, it would remind him of his past life too much. Okay, he’ll get a normal job then. But not here, in front of this motel, in this dark late night. Once again Sam hated the fact that in the USA, it is almost impossible to travel differently than in a car. He’d stolen more cars than normal people even drive during their lives and he’d have to do it again but that doesn’t mean he enjoys doing it.

He sighed and decided this night was not going to be the day. He hid the book in his bag and threw it on his shoulder, the laptop in the other hand and he set off. Walking on the side of the road he concentrated on nothing but putting one foot in front of the other, on his breathing and on the headlights of cars that occasionally passed him.

  _Left, right, left, right._

He didn’t even realise where he was going. Minutes flew, darkness withdrew slowly and handed the rule to daylight above Sam’s head without him noticing. Birds woke up and sang their usual morning songs for him as he treaded down the road. He was in a trance, he could not feel thirst, his stomach writhing in protest or the cold air biting his cheeks.

_Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale._

He couldn’t even feel how sore his shoulder and back were or that his fingers were almost frozen from holding the laptop in the same manner all the way. It was actually a great mystery what really fuelled him that way, what gave him the energy and direction for his desperate, insane march into unknown.

By the time the sun settled on the sky properly, he reached the town he had watched from the hotel with Lucifer aeons ago. It seemed like a different lifetime – but to be honest, everything felt that way as Sam sat down on a low wall by the road and finally let the whole situation sink in. After hours of avoiding thinking about it, he realised he’d just walked several miles down a road with no real direction or plan. He’d just told Dean he wanted to be alone, he’d run away from Lucifer and here he was – alone in...where?

He stood up again because he felt that if he didn’t move in that moment, he’d remain on the spot until his body would collapse. He walked a little more before he found a small McDonald’s. He went inside and he involuntarily recalled Lucifer saying he would not take Sam into a fast-food with sticky tables. Sam felt some remorse and longing for the snobbish restaurant and the memories that were woven with it. He didn’t miss the restaurant to be honest though. He just wanted to be taken seriously, as he already missed Lucifer’s affection. And okay, he did want the hot chocolate.

Sam told himself to stop whining and pitying himself as he made his way towards the counter. A short, petite girl with two plaits on the sides of her head smiled at him with the usual greeting. Sam stared at her and at the panels above her head at once before giving up and ordering what he always got there – salad with chicken and a big coffee. She smiled, took money from him and shouted something on the people in the kitchen. Sam always found it interesting how much the words could twist when you shouted them dozens of times every days. She handed him his order with a bright smile and maybe a little too enthusiastic ‘have a nice day.” Sam gave her a nod that would – as he hoped – put her off and grabbed a few of the small packed sugar sachets. He thanked her and walked away before she forced him her phone number scribbled on a napkin.

He placed his tray on a table while he opened his laptop and connected to the internet to get some information on where he was currently residing to get a general picture of where his life was going for at least the next few hours. Google maps informed him he was staying in a McDonald’s at the very edge of Detroit. He tried to ignore the little arrow that pointed the five-star hotel to him not so far away. He moved the map to get the temptation from his vision and he concentrated on making some plans instead.

Detroit seemed much bigger now when he deprived himself of a seat in the Impala and had to find a way to move around. He was determined not to steal a car because that would alert Dean; Sam wasn’t sure whether Dean would search for him, but he wasn’t going to risk it. He opened another tab in the internet browser and typed some words into it. He was exhausted; he didn’t sleep that night and he walked for a couple of hours without feeling any trace of fatigue. Now, as he sat down, his eyelids felt as heavy as stones and kept falling down to shut his eyes. He was staring at the screen of his laptop, he was reading the words but they carried to meaning, at least not one he would be able to see.

He pushed the laptop aside and started eating. In between mouthfuls, he tore the paper the sugar was in and poured it into the coffee. After a short hesitation he added another shot of the sugar, stirred it and took a big gulp. Normally he didn’t do that, but he felt he was trembling a little. Assuming he had taken care of hypoglycaemia, he realised he had sweated during his hike and he was still in the white suit, only it was a little far from being white in that moment. He was wet and dirty and it felt cold. He sped up with eating his salad and when he was done, he packed all his things and disappeared in the restrooms. Once he was there, he locked himself up in one of the cubicles and took off the ridiculous clothing and changed it for his normal jeans, plaid shirt and a jacket.

He walked out of the stall and trudged towards the basins. He washed his face and tried to wake himself up with splashing cold water on the back of his neck but it didn’t work very well. He gaped at his reflection in the mirror as if he was seeing himself for the first time. He could feel rough stubble under his fingers and there were dark circles under his eyes. He was looking sickly; it seemed he was lacking something essential and he wasn’t very convincing in saying it was just sleep.

He stumbled out of the restrooms and he tried to make his way towards the door to get out of the diner and set off towards uncertain future. He was stopped by the waitress who was just cleaning up the table he had left previously. He almost bumped into her.

“Rough night, huh?” she asked him. He blinked a few times to collect enough mental power to respond to her.

“Yeah,” he yawned, “kind of.”

“Sorry for asking but... do you have somewhere to go to? Because you look like you could use some sleep.” She tilted her head to the side and the way she was eyeing him reminded him of Ruby. He didn’t want to think about Ruby. He thought he loved her and maybe he did but could it be true? She deceived him; everything she said, everything she did was a lie. He shook his head to get rid of the memories but she took it as an answer to her question.

“Well, no offence, but you look just awful. I’m not going to let you go and get murdered in the night or something.” She said resolutely. He was just staring at her. “I live nearby and I’ve been here over the night, my shift’s over in half an hour. You’re going to my place to get some sleep.”

“Do you always invite odd-looking guys you meet in the early morning into your flat?” He asked with furrowed brow.

“No. But you don’t look like a rapist or a murderer. You’re a huge, overgrown puppy who needs some nice bed and hot bath. I can see it in you; you’re not going to hurt me.” She replied and she changed her posture so that she was standing with one hip coquettishly forward.

“Er... that’s really nice and generous of you and I really appreciate it but I’m fine, really.” Sam was beginning to feel really nervous. This girl was all too obvious and he didn’t wish to be rude, to say nothing about being violent, but he was determined not to give her any kind of false hope.

“Oh come on!” she groaned and rolled her eyes as she strode towards him and reached out to touch him. He tried to catch her wrist with his hand and hold her back but she didn’t let him.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise of glass shattering into pieces and before they could comprehend what was going on, the girl was lying on the floor, the shards piercing her back. She had a look of pure terror upon her face as she gazed at the source of her fall. The figure seemed surreal; it looked like a person but people don’t have those strange halos around them. But it couldn’t be; she proofed this place from angels, they couldn’t see her if she wasn’t murdering a prophet. But this figure was an angel, a hurt and broken one but still an angel. She was short of breath as some force held her down as if there was a huge rock lying on top of her. Some minutes later she lost consciousness and the angel finally concentrated on the shocked human.

“Hi, Sam,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was originally longer (that's why it took me so much time) but then I decided to be a cold bitch and cut it there. Good thing is, quite a big part of the next chapter is already written thanks to that.


	5. Drunk on belonging together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have MaddyR on fanfiction.net to thank for forcing my lazy ass to finish this chapter.

 

Lucifer respected Sam’s wish. It was important to respect what Sam wanted because otherwise he would be just like everybody else who used him, lied to him and hurt him. He would not push Sam even if he didn’t understand what was wrong. However, he realised that Sam needed some time to grasp the concept of Lucifer being nice and wanting the best for him. That was all very sweet but Lucifer was not going to let Sam wander around the world unprotected. By that time, it must have been known to many people that Sam was important to him and he was not going to let anyone use his attachment to Sam against him, to say nothing about the possibility of Sam truly getting hurt.

He watched Sam’s inner battle and followed the taxi he used to get to Dean. Lucifer’s wings may have been broken and he couldn’t fly as fast as other angels, but it was enough to go after something as trivial and simple as a car. He waited outside the motel room and he listened to the quarrel between the Winchesters. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Sam obviously avoided using his name. On one hand he understood it wouldn’t improve the situation if Dean knew Sam was leaving him because Lucifer opened his eyes, especially not after Dean was right about Ruby. But there was this small but important part of him that was hurt and upset that Sam didn’t talk about him. Lucifer would have bragged about having kissed Sam several times to anyone who would listen. Except there was nobody to listen.

When Sam set out on his directionless march across the country, Lucifer was always only couple of feet behind him, observing, guarding, marvelling. That was something Lucifer could never be tired of – watching Sam and thinking how wondrous the human was. It was not about Lucifer’s vanity anymore – _look at my vessel, he’s so gorgeous_ – Lucifer was going through an angelic form of puberty and his love for Sam was very intense.

Lucifer knew that a human body was not supposed to go through so much emotional exertion, lack of sleep and physical activity in one day and he feared Sam might faint in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, there was an easy solution – he sent Sam some of his on strength and looked after his human throughout the night.

He didn’t enter the diner with Sam. He waited outside, checking up on Sam through the glass. His heart was breaking when he saw Sam alone, exhausted and depressed; he could sense his emotions and even if they were dim, Lucifer perceived them strong enough to feel useless. He knew he could take Sam’s worries and fear away, he could make him so happy he would lose his mind, but Sam didn’t wish to let Lucifer do it. In a way, the angel understood; Sam was unsure and confused. Lucifer had seen it in his eyes – Sam could feel the connection between them and it frightened him how strong it was. Lucifer had to admit it was quite shocking, and he had centuries to prepare for Sam’s existence and over two decades to adjust to the strong passion Sam could awake in him. And even then, he was overwhelmed when he finally stood face to face with Sam. He could only imagine what it felt to Sam who wasn’t prepared to even believe in soul mates. Humans are not as perceptive as angels, but it still must have astonished him.

Then Sam went to the bathroom and the cashier left her spot behind the counter and started cleaning the table Sam had just left. She looked around herself and when she thought nobody was watching her, she undid two buttons on her uniform, slipped a hand under the shirt and pulled something out. When she was holding it in her hand, she buttoned the shirt again and then she changed her mind and undid the upper one. Lucifer had a quite clear idea about what she would attempt to do and it cost him all his powers not to do anything. He knew Sam would justify Lucifer following him if he saved him from a monster’s clutches, but he had to let the monster attack first. He knew exactly what she was going to attempt to do, but he had to let Sam get in danger to save him. It seemed ludicrous and he didn’t wish to expose Sam to any kind of jeopardy, but he understood it was necessary.

Sam walked out of the bathroom and – as Lucifer expected – was stopped by the girl. Lucifer couldn’t hear their conversation but he saw Sam’s look of discomfort. He couldn’t say he wasn’t ecstatic when he saw Sam’s resistance even when he knew it was futile. Sam tried to walk away and wasn’t allowed to which simultaneously brought the girl closer to him, close enough for her to touch him; it was time for action.

Lucifer mustered all the power he had. The sudden force surrounding him broke the glass front wall of the diner. It must have looked intimidating but it wasn’t Lucifer’s intention. He stepped closer and concentrated on the girl. He held her down with force much greater than the one needed to kill a human; and she stayed conscious for longer than he expected. After a while she finally lost consciousness and Lucifer released his grip on her. His grace crawled back inside of him and he looked like a human once again.

“Hi, Sam,” he looked at the disconcerted human.

“Lucifer,” Sam breathed out and it sounded like a prayer to the angel. “What happened?”

_Good sign,_ Lucifer thought, _no ‘Lucifer, what have you done?’ ‘Lucifer, what is wrong with you?!’ just ‘Lucifer, what happened?’_

“She wanted to hurt you,” Lucifer explained, “She’s a nymph.”

“A nymph,” Sam raised one eyebrow suspiciously, “like, a fairy.”

“A nymph, which is much worse and more dangerous than a fairy. If she touched you with this-“ Lucifer bowed and reached towards the unconscious girl’s right hand. After a while he stood up again, holding a small, dark blue flower between his fingers. “You would be gone. I couldn’t allow that.”

“What does it do?” Sam asked, still too perplexed by the whole situation. His sleep-deprived brain had some difficulties embracing the rest of Lucifer’s sentence, to say nothing about why they met so soon after Sam walked away resolutely.

“It hides fervid passion, painful longing so strong it might kill you and would certainly make you lose your mind.” Lucifer gazed straight into Sam’s eyes as he pronounced those words. They stared at each other for a while before Sam furrowed his brow.

“I guess you are a superior being who is completely indifferent to any of that.” He snapped as his eyes fell on the flower.

“It has no power over me, that’s true,” Lucifer sighed, “but only because I couldn’t desire you any stronger.”

They stared at each other for long moments. Sam didn’t know if he wanted to scream at Lucifer for being so melodramatic and making everything even more complicated or to kiss him. Lucifer could see that in Sam’s eyes and he squeezed the flower in his hand in case Sam might actually initiate some sort of physical contact. The bloom shattered into a dust and sprinkled the still unconscious nymph.

“I said I wanted to be alone,” Sam said upon waking up from his trance.

“And I let you go. You wouldn’t have known I’d followed you if you weren’t about to be attacked, I had no intention to reveal myself to you.” Lucifer raised his hands in defence. “And I’ll go now if you still wish to be alone.”

“But it’s not the same,” Sam whispered and turned around to avoid facing Lucifer. “I’ll know you’re there, following me, watching me, _protecting me_...”

“And you honestly thought I would let you walk off and not keep an eye on you?” Lucifer asked in surprise.

“Yes. I did, actually,” Sam muttered and glared Lucifer in the eyes. “I guess it was a mistake.”

“I would never let you out of my reach now when I’m able to follow you, Sam. I don’t want to and I won’t.” Lucifer said resolutely.

“In that case, you’re not better than anyone else. I believed you were the one who would finally see me as a grown man who can take care of himself, but apparently you’re just another guy trying to pamper me and protect me.” Sam was exhausted and emotionally wrecked. “I thought you trusted me.”

“I do-“

“No, you don’t. You think you do, just like Dean does, but following me to protect me? That’s not trust, that’s concern. I don’t want your care, I need to know you believe in me.”

“But I do believe in you, Sam. But what would my trust be good for if your mind got deleted because of that nymph?” Lucifer took it more calmly than Sam had expected him to. It made him even madder; he wanted to get rid of that layer of security, the layer where Lucifer was the patient parent dealing with a mentally retarded child. This was the Lucifer the angel wanted the world to see and it was just as artificial as the stories that made him ruthless and wicked. Sam didn’t know how, but he was sure he had met the real Lucifer, the kind, romantic show-off who was desperate to make him laugh.

“I’m tired of being saved.” Sam muttered through his teeth very slowly to stress every syllable. “You know why I ran off with Ruby? I needed to prove everyone that I could do something on my own. Dean would never agree to any plan that involved me doing what had to be done to – well, what I thought I had to do to stop you. He’d say we had to think it through, that there was another option, that we had to stay together because we’re the only thing the other has left… I’m sick of that.”

“And it’s understandable.” Lucifer nodded and his expression didn’t change a single bit. “It didn’t end up quite as you wanted after all, did it?”

“Why are you doing this?” Sam asked with a tone of exhaustion to his voice. He wanted to shout at Lucifer but he was so damn tired.

“I do think your opinion is valid and I’m ready to listen to you whenever you wish to express it. I think you are fully capable of making your own decisions and taking care of yourself.” Lucifer’s expression finally tallied with what Sam had known about him. “But what I’m trying to tell you is – you don’t have to do it alone. It’s not a weakness to admit you need help; it’s wise.”

“That’s rich coming from you,” Sam retorted without fervour such a statement should possess.

“It is, actually,” Lucifer smiled crookedly, “I should have shut up and take a look at what humans truly are and refuse to bow before them _after_. But I’ve learnt my lesson.”

“So what now? Do we just forget what happened tonight and go be a nice couple?” Sam sighed and he looked at the still lifeless body by his feet.

“No. We learn from tonight and it will help us get to know each other. We’ve truly met just recently, haven’t we?” Lucifer shrugged and for a while – and Sam knew it was probably a stupid trick his mind was playing on him – it seemed as if the air around Lucifer shimmered.

“In that case, I guess you’re going to find out what I look like when I sleep very soon,” Sam stifled a yawn with his hand but his lips parted again, “I think I’m gonna pass out the moment I reach something even remotely flat to lie on.”

“See? You’re not even able to feed yourself and sleep enough.” Lucifer laughed. “Come here, I’ll take you somewhere with a bed.”

\---

Sam obviously wasn’t exaggerating when he spoke of falling asleep. His head fell onto his shoulder two minutes into the drive and in another one he was snoring slightly. Lucifer smiled tenderly. That’s what it should have been; Sam safely within his reach as if they were always meant to be. He still had to learn his boundaries with Sam having to explain them.

They drove for quite some time, longer than Lucifer had intended when they sat into the car. Sam was deep in his peaceful slumber, the sky looked ambiguous and beautiful and the engine hummed soothingly. Lucifer had to admit cars were considerably useful and even though they had a bad impact on the Earth and its environment, there was an undeniable feeling of contentment and power when driving one. And they were a decent substitution for his broken wings even if not as subtle and efficient.

Having lost the ability to fly still hurt Lucifer. It wasn’t just remorse and shame of being full of Grace and yet pinned down like a crippled eagle, sometimes it hurt him physically even if he wasn’t entirely sure how it was possible since he had no material body. He wanted to show off before Sam so much, he wanted to spread his shining pinions like he used to but even the remnants weren’t possible to move. He was ripped and burnt to shreds and it used to be unbearable and humiliating before he saw Sam and understood. Broken and twisted, designed to do evil when meaning good suddenly didn’t seem as repulsive. Sam was radiant, brave and in need of guidance. Lucifer was sure he was creating a whole new meaning to the word frustration when he had to sit in his cage and just _wait_.

Sam woke up about three hours later. He looked around with confusion in his sleepy eyes but he didn’t look alarmed when he spotted Lucifer. It seemed like he just nodded to himself internally, shrugged and closed eyes again. Lucifer hoped that was a good thing. They didn’t speak; Sam didn’t appear to be in a chatty mood and Lucifer could wait a little longer beside Sam after the eternity in agony.

“I’ve gotta pee,” Sam murmured out of nowhere. He startled Lucifer a little when he broke the silence between them. Lucifer glanced over at his companion and he could see that Sam didn’t say so just for kicks, he was probably holding it for quite some time.

“You know, next time, you should tell me before it’s absolutely necessary.” Lucifer smiled a little.

“Will do,” Sam assured him, “there’s a gas station in two miles.”

“Two miles it is,” Lucifer nodded and smiled gently as he realised there was going to be next time. If he didn’t do something stupid, he was going to get a next time. That was worth all the gas stations in the world, no matter how filthy and dingy they were going to be.

They didn’t speak until they arrived into the gas station. It wasn’t as bad as Lucifer expected it to be; it was worse, actually. There were bright colours and logos he was sure he had seen before, hoards of mindless, unthinking people and even more awful commercialism than he expected. As he parked the car, he stared in front of himself and wished this place was filthy and abandoned.

“Uhm… is something wrong?” Sam inquired and looked at Lucifer in attempt to convey his discomfort with his expression, but it just didn’t seem to work.

“Humans are disgusting,” Lucifer pointed out without truly explaining anything. He kept gazing at the building in front of him as if he could make them disappear with just his sight. Sam felt a bit uneasy when he realised it probably wasn’t that far from the truth.

“That’s…thrilling,” he said, “but not new.”

“I won’t go there, Sam,” Lucifer warned.

“Okay. You don’ have to. I’ll just go do my business and I’ll be back in a few secs and you’ll wait here for me?” Sam suggested. God, was he dealing with an archangel or with a stubborn baby?

“Alright.” Lucifer took his time answering and never let the gas station out of his sight.

“Great. I’ll be right back. Try not to kill anyone or break anything or whatever,” Sam was almost out of the car when Lucifer finally tore his eyes off the object of his loathing and he looked at Sam, smug smirk upon his lips.

“Or what?” He grinned.

Sam let out an exasperated sigh. “Really? That’s what you say? That’s the most childish and stupid answer you could have given.”

“So what’s gonna happen then?” Lucifer pretended he didn’t notice Sam’s impatience.

“I’m gonna think about that as I pee and tell you then,” Sam answered and closed the door behind himself.

“Don’t think about me too hard, that might be awkward.” Lucifer opened his door to shout after Sam. Winchester rolled his eyes and turned around quickly to hide his flushed face. God, was he blushing again? He was, right? Damn Lucifer and the fucking impact he had on Sam’s existence.

Sam tried to get back as fast as possible. Even though he knew Lucifer wouldn’t start bloodshed on his own, he wasn’t that difficult to provoke and a lot of things could flip him off. Sam believed Lucifer would try to be good for him but you never know.

But Lucifer was right where Sam had left him – in the Porsche that couldn’t be more obvious if he tried, parked at the edge of the parking lot as if he was afraid the car might get some car disease. He smiled a little to himself with relief.

“So, were you good?” he asked playfully as he sat down beside Lucifer.

“The best,” the angel replied and started the engine. They rode back to the highway. “Do I get a kiss for that?”

Sam stared blankly for a while. He didn’t know how to react to such a request – he wanted to kiss Lucifer senseless, but apparently they were “taking things slowly” and he didn’t think he could do just one small kiss.

“Or I’ll keep it for later,” Lucifer added quickly, noticing Sam’s hesitance. The human looked at him with pure adoration. How could this guy who spent ages in hell be more sensitive than most people Sam’s ever talked to?

“You have it stored safely,” Sam informed him. They drove further and Sam knew he had slept through at least one state. “Where are we?”

“Somewhere in Utah. Why?” Lucifer’s eyes never left the road. Sam was a bit disappointed; yesterday – was it just yesterday? – he was head over heels for Sam, never stopped looking at him. Sam knew he told Lucifer off for it, but in reality, he’d been so happy to have somebody’s attention.

“I wanted to know where you’re kidnapping me to.” Sam explained and relaxed in the seat. If Lucifer didn’t know where they were going, it was probably going to be a long trip, just like when Dean decided to take a job on the other side of the States, just for the joy of pushing Baby all around the continent. The only thing missing was classic rock, but Sam could live without it.

“Denver,” the angel said.

“Denver in Colorado?” Sam asked with surprise. “What’s in Denver?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m going there,” Lucifer was playing mysterious and Sam didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or slap him. Probably both, but he just asked once more, obviously giving Lucifer a great time.

“Why Denver?”

“I’ve read this book and a lot of it took place in Denver. I just wished to see the city.” Lucifer admitted. Sam was speechless for a while. Lucifer read a book. Lucifer read a book and liked it so much he wanted to visit Denver in Colorado just for that.

“What book?” he asked because he didn’t have the heart to tell Lucifer that he had been to Denver and that there was absolutely nothing there.

“ _On the Road_ ,”

“You’ve read _On the Road_? Well, if that’s what you’re coming at, I’m glad you don’t want to hitchhike all over the States. Or take Benzedrine.” Sam laughed a little. He had read the book ages ago, back at high school when they spoke about it. There was something that reminded him of his life in that book – not having a real home, going back and forth without any direction. He had envied Sal and Dean and all the others their choice. They went on the road willingly, not because their father had gone mad after their mother had died.

“I sensed going to Denver was the one thing you wouldn’t mind. I wasn’t sure about hitchhiking, but I was certain you wouldn’t go for the drugs.” Lucifer finally looked at Sam. There was a spark in his eyes, as if he was proud of himself for going on this trip, for knowing Sam so well, or maybe for having read the book, Sam couldn’t tell. But there was happiness in the angel’s eyes and that was all that truly mattered to Sam.

“No drugs,” Sam shuddered. He had his share and he did see where it led. The delirium he had suffered right before he released Lucifer from the cage wasn’t something he wanted to even recall. Of course because it felt awful but partly even for the fear of remembering how exhilarating, thrilling it was to be powerful, how magnificent and light he felt as his heart beat faster, blood rushed through his brain, thoughts faster than ever.

“You’re my righteous man,” Lucifer chuckled and his right hand moved slightly to the right as if he was reaching for Sam’s thigh but realised it before they touched. Sam felt a little bit disappointed.

“You’re hopeless.” Sam laughed as they passed the border of Colorado.

“My apologies,” Lucifer bowed his head a little as he said that. Sam was sure he would have made a curtsey or something if he wasn’t driving.

The landscape was dull. Sam wondered – like many times before – what it must feel for a European to arrive to the USA and then just drive, seemingly forever, and yet pass just a tiny bit of the country even though back home they’d be through three countries already. He was used to the life on the road, he didn’t know anything else apart from those few months at Stanford. It felt like lifetimes ago.

“Tell me more about Heaven,” Sam asked after a careful consideration. He didn’t want to make Lucifer uncomfortable or sad, but he was also extremely curious. And he loved listening to Lucifer, it was very soothing and felt like being wrapped in a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate in hands.

“It’s probably very different now,” Lucifer replied in a husky voice. He glanced at Sam and smiled softly. He knew the human hated himself because he thought he upset Lucifer. It was sweet and the nicest thing anybody did for him. “But you don’t want facts, do you?”

“I just want to listen to you,” Sam admitted.

“Heaven has no seasons, it’s always that beautiful, cheerful spring that is warm but not hot, cool but not cold and everything seems nicer just because of that. Or at least it used to be like that, but sometimes we were disobedient – not as much as to get us locked up in Hell –“ Lucifer chuckled bitterly at this and his voice broke. Sam could swear he saw the glow Lucifer had around him whenever they were together diminish a little.

“I’m here,” Sam whispered. He didn’t want to say he was sorry; sorry didn’t mean anything, it didn’t reassure you, calm you down or ease your sorrow. He knew himself how much he wanted to strangle people who said sorry, but he couldn’t because _they were sorry_.

“Then it started raining,” Lucifer went on, without acknowledging that he heard Sam, but the latter knew he did. “Not the exciting, thunderstorm rain that is scary but also beautiful. Not even the refreshing rain on a warm day that you let run down your skin. It was the long, grey, ugly downpour that lasts for eternity and makes you miserable. It was supposed to teach us to be good. Don’t think it worked.”

“Did you… did you have houses or something?” Sam asked sheepishly. “I mean, I get whole Heaven was your home and if the rain was to punish you…”

“Are you asking whether we had a place to hide from the rain?” Lucifer laughed. “Yes. The rain was to punish us but not to make us freeze and die – metaphorically, but still. It was enough of a penalty to be locked inside without the possibility to enjoy Heaven’s wonders. Then God would send us away on a mission away and we wouldn’t get back for a long time.”

“Like…house arrest inside out.”

“More or less,” Lucifer nodded. Sam had a feeling Lucifer was going to say something but found it difficult to pronounce the words. Sam wasn’t going to be the one to make Lucifer suppress his thoughts.

“I used to think that was the worst thing that could happen to me.” Lucifer spoke finally. “I never appreciated the fact that I could always come back.”

Sam didn’t want to say that at least Lucifer had had somewhere to return to, even if he couldn’t visit the place anymore. At least he could go there in his memories, seek comfort in childhood joys. While he certainly did have happy memories, they were never connected to a place. He had never had a home. The only place he had actually wanted to go back to was Stanford, and look how it turned out. The only constant in his life was the impala and that wasn’t too much of security.

They sat side by side and understood each other without saying another word. Lucifer knew what Sam was thinking about and Sam knew he knew. They passed a sign that stated they were almost in Denver and while Sam did enjoy the ride, he was also really looking forward to hitting a bed after a nice hot shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the shameless fangirling over "On the Road" in this chapter but I just finished the book and it was amazing. In case you didn't know, "On the Road" was an inspiration for Supernatural - the two main characters Sal and Dean (right) spent their lives on going all over America etc. It gives you a pristine sensation so I recommend you all to read it.


End file.
